I Wish My Husband Were More Like Hers

I Wish My Husband Were More Like Hers

May 19, 2017

“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” 1 Timothy 6:6 (NIV)

Devotion Graphic

Every week, my friend would share with me how absolutely wonderful her husband was.

Each evening, when her husband came home from work, he would help cook dinner, wash the dishes, bathe the kids and put them to bed. On the weekends, he would mow the grass, trim the bushes and even rub my friend’s back, for goodness’ sake!

Honestly, it made me sick to hear about her perfect husband. Resentment toward my husband, Dale, started to fester. I wondered why he couldn’t help me in the same ways. I wanted him to be just like my friend’s husband and serve me. It’s not that I coveted her husband … I coveted the ways he helped her.

God gave the Israelites specific instructions in Exodus 20:17, “You shall not covet.” Covet may seem like an old-fashioned word, but it still applies to us today. We aren’t to greatly desire or set our hearts on anything that God has not given us, even if it seems like a good thing — like the way an amazing husband serves his wife.

Have you ever desired for your spouse to be like someone else’s husband? If this temptation hits you — and it probably will at some point — don’t entertain the thought, even for a second! Coveting leads to frustration, unfair comparisons and bitterness.

I know. I spent a few weeks (all right, maybe a month) desiring my imaginary husband until I realized I was wrong. I asked the Lord to forgive me and help me be content with my husband’s level of service. God answered my prayer by changing my perspective.

The truth is Dale was an amazing husband and father. He loved me and served me by working 15-18 hours a day, six days a week, at our family business to support our five children. I had to see — and accept — that even though he didn’t have the time to do all the things my friend’s husband did, Dale greatly helped by providing for us. I needed to learn to be content with the ways he served our family … even if they were different than I’d once hoped.

First Timothy 6:6 reminds us that godliness with contentment is great gain” (NIV). So, I followed God’s instructions from Exodus 20 and stopped coveting my friend’s husband’s acts of service. Instead of wishing and hoping Dale would mow the grass, wash the dishes, get the cars inspected and put the kids to bed … I gladly did all those things, day after day, year after year. And I loved him as he was and for how he served us.

How do we go from coveting to content? It helps to focus on the fact that as husband and wife, God has made us one. If our husband’s time is limited, we fill in the gaps. That’s not to say we shouldn’t ask for his help when he does have time, but if he’s busy, let’s do what he can’t.

Part of godliness is choosing to selflessly serve.

Part of contentment is resisting resentment toward our husband.

Will there be days we’re exhausted from managing our homes, kids and the rest of life? You bet. But we’ll be physically tired from serving our family, not mentally and emotionally drained from coveting something (or someone!) that isn’t ours.

Satan wants us to desire our husbands to be more, different and better. God wants us to love and appreciate our husband for who he is and what he does.

Our husbands’ expressions of love, commitment and service will look different than other husbands. Our humble and consistent gratitude and respect for them will change our perspective in such a way that honors the Lord … and them.

If you’re tempted to covet the helping hands of another man — don’t entertain the thought, not even for a second! Instead of longing for what isn’t yours, choose to love what is. Rather than desiring your husband change, change your perspective and honor him with a contented heart.

Dear Lord, thank You for my husband. Help me love and honor him. Guide me to take every thought captive when wrong thoughts about him assail me. Protect our marriage, and help us to live as one. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

TRUTH FOR TODAY:
2 Corinthians 10:5, “We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.” (NIV)

Ephesians 4:2-3, “Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” (NIV)

RELATED RESOURCES:
Could your marriage use a little help in the romance department? If so, spice up your relationship and rekindle the passion with your mate through Sharon Jaynes’ new book A 14-Day Romance Challenge. You’ll find this book and more (for yourself or a friend), here, in our marriage collection.

CONNECT:
Visit Sharon Glasgow’s blog for more encouragement, and enter to win a free gift pack to reignite passion into your marriage.

REFLECT AND RESPOND:
Write a prayer to the Lord thanking Him for how He made your husband. Detail all the ways your husband serves and blesses you.

Do you wish your husband helped you more like a friend’s husband helps her? Has this created bitterness or resentment toward your spouse? If so, ask for the Lord’s forgiveness. Then, ask for His help in being content.

© 2017 by Sharon Glasgow. All rights reserved.

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Comments

  1. Kathryn says:

    Thank you, I found this really helpful.

  2. Charylle says:

    This header caught my eye and I thought I would find comfort in the encouragement, but I didn’t. My husband doesn’t contribute to the household finances, parenting, kids school or activities or chores. I work and take care of everything on my own. He pays for HIS TRUCK. His time is HIS. He always comes first.
    I easily get caught up wishing my husband did at least HALF of what some of my friends husbands do. My husband is all about himself. How is a woman and a wife supposed to keep “coveting” at bay and not wish for more. It’s so hard. I’m not really thankful for what I have been given as a husband. It seems harder than if I was single doing it on my own—- which many days/weeks/months at a time happens.

    • Marriageneedsyoked says:

      Charylle,, I would be curious if you knew all these traits of your husband before you married him? Or if the sheep in wolves clothing hit you after you were married? From what you describe I take it your husband isn’t a Bible reader and leader for his household? Are you a steward and Proverbs 31 women?
      It is difficult when the fairytale marriage doesn’t lead to what one expects and desires. One can easily allow Jesus to show you the right direction on what binds the marriage together. Christ must be the head of the marriage. The marriage needs yoked by Jesus Love and teachings of the Bible as the foundation for the household, the marriage, and the raising of the children.
      Communication is the key to any marriage. Christ needs to be in the marriage. Church needs in the principles of the household too. One that will uplift and teach the right perspective on the foundation of the Bible to feed your soul.

      I would suggest you speak to your husband. Tell him how you are hurting. Tell him what you need. Then listen to what he needs. Then learn to come to an understanding. No marriage should have strife. For strife feeds the devil. It also shows the children an unyoked marriage. It also shows the children where the foundation of even the principles you both are teaching them now in their impressionable years of any age on what they may carry into their adult years. Until the legacy of ill traits is broken.
      It’s never to late to fix what is broken now with the salve of Jesus healing the wounds.

    • Belinda says:

      Charylle, I am praying for you even now. It’s not easy to deal with what’s going on in your life and family. It’s hard…really hard. Yet, even in this, God is still speaking. He drew you to this devotion, possibly not to affirm your emotions, but to reach deeper to your heart. He desires a passionate relationship that spills into evety area of life…including your marriage.

      My hope for you is in prayer. It sounds so cliche, but it is totally NOT!😉 Pray for your husband…for his heart to be towards the Lord…for his desires to be for his family…for his mind to be God-focused. And if all that happens, that would be awesome!

      Yet one of the greatest things about living THROUGH difficulty is watching God change US in the midst of the mess. He is not just after changing your husband into being more like Jesus, God is after your heart…your desires…your mind. So, my hope is that you will pray earnestly…not just fir God to change your husband, but moreso that God would change you. Ask Him to go after any bitterness and resentment towards your husband and remove it. Beg God to show you ways that you could make a difference in your marriage. Then, simply do what He says, no matter how hard it may be.

      It also would be beneficial to find an older, wiser, Godly woman to walk through this time with you..someone who understands your heart.

      You are not alone,Charylle…with God, you are NEVER alone.

    • April Allison says:

      Hi. There is a difference between a man who doesn’t help and one who does. This used to be my husband. I paid everything, and I did everything. He mostly slept all day. God does call for us to be taken advantage of and love the mess our lives might be. He wants us to have a loving, helpful spouse. He wants for us to be one with our spouse.I think you should pray for what your husband lacks. My husband wasn’t ready to be “that husband” yet. I was tired frustrated and fed upand kept dreaming about my next husband. It’s OK to be frustrated by what your husband doesn’t do, that means you have enough self respect, but don’t let your mind wander into lust for another man. It’s quite health to feel like your husband should help, but don’t let it rule over your life. Praise your husband for what he does do, pray for what he doesn’t do. See, when my husband didn’t help, I would call him names or insult him, which made him not want to help even more. Handle the situation with love and care.But pray for your husband constantly because God is the only one that can change him. But until then, keep your eyes on God and keep doing the best you can for you and your family. Actually, that is what strengthen my relationship with God, because instead of depending on my husband, I depended on God with every hair on my head. Stay strong, stay faithful for God never makes a promise he will not keep!

      • April Allison says:

        I’m sorry there was a typo. I meant that God Doesn’t call for us to be taken advantage of….

      • Joe Blow says:

        To be honest, many guys started out helping, but the way they did things was always “wrong”. When trying to help just becomes another avenue for your woman to criticize you, well, just stop. That’s what many men do. I’ve always found it interesting that women who do ZERO yard work complain constantly about the housework not being split evenly. Always, always, always look in the mirror first. I know many very good men who have complaining wives. They expect a perfect husband but they don’t look at themselves at all. As the Bible says, better to live in peace in the small corner of an attic with a leaking roof, then in a mansion with a contentious and complaining woman.

    • Charyll,
      I appreciate your honesty. Marriage can be really, really hard. You asked how you keep from covering. For me the answer is prayer and seeking God’s perspective on your marriage and husband. Be honest with God but also ask for His help to see things with His eyes and ask Him to give you things to do/not do to improve your marriage. God alone sees all and knows all. He is for your marriage and wants it to be a good one. Ask Him to help you know how to act and react. You can’t change anyone else, just yourself. As the serenity prayer goes, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Sending you hugs!

    • Jennifer says:

      I have been where you are. Don’t give up. God has plans for you and your marriage, whether you can see it right now or not.
      Matthew 5:4 was where the healing began for me. Mourn the loss of your idea of a “perfect” husband and marriage and be comforted by our Heavenly Father. There are so many songs on Christian radio right now that will speak to you, I encourage you to listen as you go about your day and find strength and encouragement there too. It might give you enough strength to face one more day, or even hour. Some days I didn’t think I could even bear one more encounter with my husband. He was so selfish and about himself too. He is a changed man now. But that doesn’t always happen. My dad is gone now, but he was bitter and hateful till then end, we dont know why things are that way, but we can trust God does and he has a plan. Romans 8:28. May God bless you and give you strength.

    • Amen sister he sounds like a deadbeat you shouldn’t be happy with that !

    • Charylle,
      I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. Marriage is hard under the best circumstances so I can only imagine how difficult this is for you. This message was great for me as I have definitely compared my husband to others as well. The only difference is my husband does have a legitimate reason for not helping much; he has cancer. I have felt so guilty so many times because my marriage was not what I dreamed it would be in some ways. Fortunately for me it is all I dreamed of and more in the way my husband loves and serves me . I am not sure if you have seen the movie called Fireproof. I would advise you to watch this movie. While I don’t know your husband’s reasons for the way he acts in your marriage, I do know that God can change anyone’s heart. Watch the movie and if possible get him to watch with you. Yes it is a movie and life is not but as I said , God can do anything. I will be praying for you and praying for your husband as well. Don’t give up on him or your marriage .

  3. Ann Antonellis says:

    Oh boy. This topic is a BIG one. I’ve been very resentful of my husband and feel he’s a burden. All the while the part of me that realizes this is wrong has been ignored. It is high time I got off my high horse, as it were, and see my husband as God sees him. It’s time to stop complaining and start appreciating. Any deficiencies, and who among us has none, can be filled in, or covered over, so to speak, with love.

  4. I loved your devotion. Thank you. I ONLY add this for readers looking for the scripture in the beginning. It is in 1 Tim 6:6, instead of Mark 10:8. I absolutely ONLY add that for reference.

  5. Oooh, that sneaky imaginary husband–one of the enemy’s favorite tricks to wreck your marriage. Have you noticed that the imaginary hubby has no bad traits? Never leaves his dirty socks on the floor, or shuts you down with an angry word, or spends money you don’t have? Yep, it’s easy to line up your husband’s weak points against the imaginary guy’s strengths. Many a marriage has crumbled because the wife thinks, “I can do better than this.” But Mr. Perfect isn’t waiting in wings to sweep her off her feet (Mr. Perfect deserves Mrs. Perfect, and frankly, I’m not her).

    I try to write in my journal daily–starting with three things I’m grateful for. This year, God impressed on me to make one of those three daily thank-yous about my husband. Every day, “thank you, Lord, for my husband’s [fill in the blank]. Something different, every day. His courtesy to the waiter. His concern about the brakes on my car. That he didn’t fuss about no clean socks in the drawer. His excitement about the first strawberry from our garden. Thank you, Lord.

    Try it. You’ll like it.

    • Great idea!! I’m going to try it!

    • Shirlee, I’m often so blessed by your wisdom. You truly are a Titus 2 woman to those of us who read your comments after the devotion. Thank-you!! Have a blessed day!

    • Morning Ms. Shirlee,
      I always appreciate the wisdom you share along with these devotions. Thank you for the idea of the gratitude list, and making my husband one of those 3 every day.
      -Leah

    • Joe Blow says:

      Your wisdom is humbling. Thank you.

    • Shirley???

      Wow …love your gems of wisdom…u r a very wise lady I’m blessed by u…u r so right about the imaginary perfect husband…I am not married not even dating..but one day I hope to….thank you for this…I won’t forget this!!

      God bless you!!!

  6. Shirley Stallworth says:

    Effective articulation Sharon of what I need to stay in my spirit concerning my wonderful husband.

    Thank you

    Shirley

  7. Amen so very true and great read for me this morning. I love my husband he is a good man and works really hard for our family. This was divine timing to see and bless all spouses to be more graceful and forgiving with one another.

  8. Carolyn says:

    Great word today about contentment and not comparing husbands. I’m guilty of that and must repent because I have a great husband and it’s so easy to overlook what he doesn’t do instead of focusing on what he does do. Thanks for that reminder.
    On a side note- the scripture is incorrect- it’s not Mark 10:8. It’s 1Tim 6:6

    • Steph Raquel says:

      Thanks for your feedback, Carolyn! We’ve made that correction on the key verse. 🙂
      ~Steph, for the P31 Devotions Team

  9. I will add a different perspective. When I was a kid, my mother was ambitious one in the family. My father was a sort of “trailing spouse” and did his best to support her and cope with living in a new environment. Needless to say, he struggled mightily and my mother definitely put him down a lot during those years. As a daughter, I was definitely affected but with God’s help and support from outside of the family, I was able to see past their problems and pursue a happier marriage of my own. I don’t know where I would be if I were a son instead of a daughter. Many sons want to take after their dads but when they see a sad and broken man, it’s just so discouraging. It’s one of the main reasons I always build up my husband in front of our son. Husbands and fathers have a huge influence in everyone’s lives.

  10. My husband and I have been married for 53years coming June20. Befor I found Jesus there were times I wished he would change. After I learned about Jesus’ way I prayed that God would change me. He did and I love my husband more each day. He is who God made !

  11. Thanks so much for today’s devotion on not covering your “neighbor’s” husband. I’m a working outside the home wife and mother. I have known for years that with the lifestyle choices we’ve made for our family, including private Christian education, it takes two incomes. I’ve resented not being like many of the other school moms and having a spouse that makes enough money to manage it all and me be able to stay home. So yes, I’ve sinned and coveted and prayed over this many times. Not until reading the devotion in a panera bread in Pennsylvania headed to the airport to return home to Winston-Salem, NC did I realize rather than letting those negative thoughts enter my mind from time to time on how his income is not to the level to let me stay home to concentrate on the thoughts of he manages the girls and all the home fires while I am traveling. He is where God has placed him in his occupation, our choices requires 2 incomes, and most important I have a husband that supports me while I help support our family. Thank you so much for allowing God to send today’s devotion directly to my heart to only strengthen my marriage and my love for my husband. God bless…

  12. I appreciate your blog and view of being content while your husband was working 15 to 18 hours, 6 days a week. Another perspective, my husband was too providing quite well, traveling out of the country and basically absent from our home. In my exhaustion, I ran across Susie Larson’s book, Alone in Marriage. It opened my eyes to turning my emotions to the Lord. Second, through the Holy Spirit I confronted my husband. We have been seeing a Christian therapist and our marriage is in the process of becoming healthier. Maybe, other wives are dealing with tolerating themselves to be a doormat, while the husbands believe being a good provider is equal to being a Godly husband. Just another, view.

    • I agree… I think working on contentment is very important, but I also think we as wives are not called to be enablers of a husband’s bad habits or selfishness. Nor do I think we ought to just stay silent and do our duties if we are feeling an absence of our husband’s expressions of love. I am very thankful for my husband and try hard not to compare him to other husbands, but there have been times in our marriage that I have needed to (lovingly) confront him, and times when I’ve needed to communicate my emotional needs to him. During these times, I usually also try to ask whether there are things that I need to change or do for him as well… and there certainly have been many of those! We recently read Gary Chapman’s “The Five Love Languages” and realized that we have both been missing the boat on ministering to one another, so we’ve talked about it a lot and are doing better with making each other feel loved and appreciated. Again, I think it is important not to compare our husbands to others, recognize that our fantasy husbands are just that (a fantasy), and realize that we can’t “fix” our husbands (only God can)… But I also don’t think we are doing ourselves any favors if we neglect to lovingly communicate with our husbands, or (with more significant issues) to seek counseling.

  13. Heather Halpin says:

    Love your vulnerability! Thanks for sharing.

  14. I seem to always be reminded of the importance of being content (I am lacking most days)! I can definitely look back and see where I have sinned in this area. This is a very difficult area for me with my farmer. I have to always remember that he is living his dream and if that means cancelled plans or late nights, I need to be selfless! I need to be content where God has placed me and also be truly happy he is doing what he loves.

  15. This is such a great reminder for all wives. Thanks for your vulnerability. Seems that God is speaking to me as I just received a book I ordered called Thirty one Prayers for my Husband by Jennifer Smith the other day and picked it up this morning to begin to work through it and then your devotion popped up. Praying for our husbands will change us!

  16. Sally D Bottin says:

    In August we will celebrate our 44th anniversary. Has my marriage been fulfilling? Absolutely! Have there been times when it sucked? Absolutely! Marriage doesn’t mean instant bliss. Marriage takes work. Is marriage 50-50? Absolutely not it is a series of 20-80 or 40-60. I wouldn’t exchange the good or the bad for anything, because I/we chose to make each experience in our lives an opportunity to help us be better, stronger & to grow as individuals & as a couple. In this day & age it’s so easy to throw it all away but to chose & preserve is so worth it. I mean come on ladies, are we really the perfect spouse he dreamed of??? I appreciated your devotion which applied not to just the starry-eyed newlywed but to those of us who “have been in the field” for awhile. Because sometimes we do forget the good & focus on our precepts of “the bad.” Thank you for the reminder to focus on the good.

    • Jennifer says:

      Marriage should ideally be 100/100 with each spouse giving their all all the time, like Jesus did. Obviously thats that’s not realistic since we are all human, but that should be our goal.

  17. As someone who is single in my 30’s, it’s very difficult to not covet being in a relationship. I’m blessed with wonderful friends and family and do my best to pour into them, but the longing remains. It’s hard to know how to balance being hopeful and optimistic with being content in my current situation. It’s seems like my heart can only focus on one thing at a time: resolving to be content (and giving up on this desire) or resolving to be hopeful (and sacrificing contentment). I’ve prayed over the years that God would either bring a godly man into my life or that He would fill my empty places with Himself and simply be enough. Yet the longing – and singleness – remain. Any advice would be helpful!

    • Romans five, three. God is giving you endurance in Him, remain strong in the Lord.

    • I understand, Leah. I was where you are now. I spent a lot of time thinking about finding a mate and praying God would send him. I had such a strong desire for the family it seemed everyone else had. Looking back now, I wish I had enjoyed that season of life more!
      At 34, I was encouraged by a mentor to become a foster parent. Hoping to help these needy children and at the same time fulfill my desire to be a mom, I proceeded. Over just a few years, I was foster mom to 13 children—the last of which I adopted.
      At 39, I met and married the one God had for me. He has been a wonderful husband and father to our daughter. Do not lose hope. I had not imagined my life unfolding in this way, but God knew all along!

  18. I wanted to note that the Scripture in this Email is found in 1Timothy 6:6.
    “But godliness with contentment is great gain.”

    • Steph Raquel says:

      Thanks, Jenny! We’ve made that correction on the key verse as well. 🙂 ~Steph for the P31 Devotions Team

      • Phyllis says:

        I noticed in the devotion, Mark 10:8 was under “But godliness with contentment is great gain”…that is 1 Timothy 6:6….Mark 10:8 is “And the two will become one flesh” The only reason I mention is because I was taking notes on this devotion as I thought the wording was excellent. In writing my notes, I noticed the oops!!

  19. Glenda Johnson says:

    I needed this, have been guilty of same thing.

  20. We’ve been married 39 years and I still occasionally jokingly tell my husband that I haven’t met anyone else I’d rather be married to. I see some husbands with qualities I wish mine had and used to struggle some with jealousy. But there are no perfect husbands and with all those admirable qualities are always some quirks or traits that I wouldn’t want to live with. my husband is not perfect by any means but is the perfect one for me.

  21. Torrie Thompson says:

    I know this feeling all to well. Satan knows exactly where to put the knife and turn. We’ve been married 33 years & our love is still there for each other. I am blessed.

  22. So glad to see you’re back to writing devotions again! Yours are always pertinent to what’s going on in my life at the moment (amazing how the Lord works!). Thank you for the helpful reminder to see the good in our husbands and appreciate and be thankful for what we’ve been given. Jesus came, not to be served, but to serve, and with the Lord’s help, I can do the things my husband can’t and can serve him by helping fill the holes and free up time for him to spend more time with our children when he is at home.

  23. Kathleen Auen says:

    This morning’s post has really affected me. I realize, God forgive me, that I have wished my husband was someone else. I will certainly pray about this, asking for God’s forgiveness and a new heart.

  24. Thank you for this. It is an area of weakness for me. I have put my husband down for that last 7 years over his income. It is a terrible thing to do to a man. Yet he does his best at helping me with our children and is always there for me and our kids. I am asking God to change my heart. It starts with me and getting my heart right.

    • Jennifer says:

      Sincerely, sincerely, ask for his forgiveness. And don’t put him down anymore, especially about his ability to provide for your family! I’ve heard men feel worse about themselves more than we know. Begin praising him, even just about the little things. A man with a low self esteem can easily fall into the traps of the world. My mother in law treats her husband horribly, like he’s the scum of the earth, and he walks around with his tail between higs legs jumping at her every word for fear of what would happen or how he would be treated if he didnt. It breaks my heart to see this and know this is what my husband was raised around. Men are much more tender than we realize. It sounds like you have a good one, make sure he knows if from now on and forgive yourself for the way you’ve been treating him too. You have made the first step in correcting your mistake and that is realizing and owning up to it. May God bless you and your marriage.

  25. I am not married yet, but I do like someone, this article reminded me to wait contentedly as friends until God’s timing. Thank you for this reminder, it really spoke to my heart.

  26. Jennifer says:

    This is a wonderful reflection! Thank you so much for writing it! I myself struggled with this for years, years! The bitterness, resentfulness,and jealousy all were there. Finally I stumbled upon Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.” I dont know why it hit me, but it did. Or I should say God did! This was the turning point for me and my attitude towards my husband. I began to “mourn” the loss of my idea of what the perfect husband and the perfect marriage should be like. And I was greatly comforted by our Heavenly Father. I began to accept and love my husband as he was and pray that if it was God’s will, that He change him into what God wanted him to be, not what i thought he should be. Little did i know years later the answer to that prayer would come in the form of a health scare for him (he was ultimately fine, thank God.) But it really made him wake up and realize what’s important in life and change his ways drastically. Now our relationship is better than ever and only a few years ago we were on the verge of divorce, which neither really wanted but we couldn’t seem to get along. I also realized he is human, not perfect and to cut him a little slack. Communication is also so important, they can’t help us if they don’t we need help. As women I think we need to be careful when we talk with other women. We need to think if we are praising our husbands or bragging about them, especially if we know the person we are talking with might not have the same experience as we do and may not be blessed with that wonderful husband, yet. God can and does work miracles. My marriage is proof.

  27. Thank you for this reminder! It is timely and needful with all of the daily stresses and demands pulling on families, especially wives. Love covers all, but sometimes we struggle with flesh and need reminders like this to bring it (us) under subjection to the word.

  28. Christine says:

    This is a good word. I have a question that relates to this. What happens when a friend or family member’s husband neglects certain responsibilities in his family and that friend/family member calls upon my husband to step in? This has happened to us on several occasions. I understand that emergencies come up, and my husband is the type of person that will not say no, but when all is said and done he feels taken advantage of, and this bothers me? Am I wrong for feeling this way?

  29. Elizabeth Grosse says:

    This was such a blessing to me. It seems like a lot of these devotionals lately have hit the spot, whether by confirmation or conviction. I have been married for 13 days to a Bolivian IN Bolivia…we are serving the Lord as missionaries…and I have been amazed at how many times I compare my husband to what I have seen in my dad. My dad is a wonderful husband and father, with his faults as all have. Sometimes what I would see in my husband was something I liked better, but the thoughts that hovered in my mind were covetous, wanting my husband to be just like my dad. But my hubby is DIFFERENT! And he is also wonderful! Reading this devotional made me reflect again on how thankful I should be all the time.

  30. Lisa Stevens says:

    I find it so easy to compare our spouses to someone elses that does more, helps more, works more, makes more money, is more loving…… the list goes on. I too compare my husband to some of the other spouses in our church and wish that my husband was more of a leader in our home, to teach myself and my children about Jesus and His words. I am very lucky that my husband is wonderful at home. He cooks and cleans and does laundry and takes care of the grass and so many more things to help our household without complaint or asking. He knows when there is a need and he helps to take care of it.
    But yet, I still see potentials in him that I don’t see him outwardly using. He says he isn’t comfortable talking about the Bible with me or teaching the kids. He says he prays daily but he isn’t comfortable doing it outloud or with myself or the kids. He says that its not his style to talk about his problems with others at church or ask for others to pray over him or to pray in agreement with him. He says he is more apt to help others who are struggling; yet, at home, I do see that as much.
    My wish for him is that he will get into the Word and lead our family. I want to have the Godly relationship with him that I know is meant to be. I want the man that I can lean on when times are tough or I need encouragement. Someone to pray with me. Someone to help me see the miracles in my life. Someone that I feel spiritually connected to.
    I know that the only way to get there is by talking to him, praying over him, praying for him and walking my own path right now. I know that God is working on his heart. We are ALL works in progress…… no one is ever fully complete until we go to our Heavenly home 🙂
    Someday, I hope sooner rather than later, that we will meet in the middle and we will provide for each other those things that are needed. Until then I will have to lay it in God’s hands.

  31. This is such wise advise, Sharon. Several years ago when I was growing discontent, I decided to change my prayers. I asked God to open my eyes so I could see my husband more compassionately and graciously. I asked Him to rekindle my enjoyment of him. I asked Him to help me love him more. And He did! I also began to focus on my husband’s good qualities. And I must admit to a little comparison game I played, too. When I noticed afresh something especially appealing about my husband – he’s a great spiritual leader, he prays with me daily, he’s a conscientious provider, etc. – I then stopped to realize that not every woman had those qualities in her man. I realized that I am indeed blessed!

  32. Michelle says:

    Thank you for this article. It was well needed by me at this time.

  33. I love this, however I am very conflicted. I am the breadwinner, I am also the one that still does all the laundry, the dishes, takes care of the dogs, takes our daughter to school, and etc all the mom/wife stuff…… I work 14 hours a day at a full time job and sometimes weekends, while I’m also in college trying to earn my bachelors degree. I am completely exhausted while my husband is at home all day everyday not doing anything to help around the house because he can’t hold a job. He’s been fighting depression for most of our marriage (8 yrs) and after me praying, begging him to talk to the pastor, or an outside counselor even his friends he still hasn’t changed. I’m at my wits end and I feel so very stuck, sad, lonely, frustrated in this. I just don’t know what else to day/say.

    • Don’t nag him. Pray WITH HIM….and watch God move.

      • he won’t pray with me? ive tried that
        for months ive been praying solo for him, ive anointed him with oil while he sleeps, ive anointed our home and prayed, ive fasted
        I really don’t know what else

        • Cindy b says:

          Depression is awful. Watching a spouse deal (or not deal) with it can be agony. I found prayers such as praying for the armor of God or praying for your husband from proverbs 31 authors. On this website or their websites. Sharon Jayne’s and others. Try a Google search….it helped me to have a specific prayer to pray.

  34. Ladies—we shouldn’t do to our husbands what we wouldn’t like done to us. We don’t want him to compare us so why should we compare them. I don’t do this I praise God for what I have and ask God to make him be the perfect husband for me and to make me the perfect wife for him. Marriage is a partnership and we should each do what we can.

  35. I found this very helpful as I struggle with all sorts of coveting. However, I wish there had been some qualification about situations where husbands are actually abusive. No woman should be encouraged to remain in or be content with a situation that is dangerous for her or for her children. Perhaps the author assumed that was a given, but unfortunately it is a message many women still need to hear. Is God at work in those situations? For sure. Can abusive spouses change? Sometimes. But I get very uncomfortable when we seem to be giving the message as Christians that part of a woman’s calling is to patiently endure suffering at the hands of an abusive husband.

  36. Sometimes this can happen without even realizing, just as you said, it kind of grew. This happened to me before my own husband came to Jesus. I was conversing with one of the deacons after services on Sundays. We had much in common. I didn’t think anything of it, until I had a dream about it. When I woke up I was shocked. It was then I came to the realization of the potential. After that, I came right home after services. This happened again, many years later, after my husband was saved, with someone I worked with. Same thing, I had a dream, and that was the end of that. Sounds naive, I realize, but I had no intention of ever belonging to anyone but my own husband as I always did love him very much. I share this as it may help someone else to realize the same. Don’t be fooled, even if you are convinced it is innocent. It could blow up in your face before you know it.

  37. Thank you for sharing your heart and this wonderful message. I definitely can relate and ask God to help me be content with the wonderful man He prepared just for me. We will be celebrating our #50th wedding anniversary next month and I am so thankful for my faithful husband. He is not perfect but pretty close. God bless you Sharon.

  38. “In everything give thanks” 1 Thessalonians 5:18
    “But godliness with contentment is great gain” Mark 10:8

    Here is my own version of coveting:
    It happened quite often to me also that a beloved family relative, very devoted to her husband, would share with me about all the wonderful things her man was doing with and for her. She spoke of their prayer times and Bible Study times together, of the ways they built each other up. Truly, I don’t think I have ever heard either of them say a negative word about their relationship.
    Once when I was visiting them, my relative’s husband shared with me how the two of them “always bring out the best in each other.”

    I should have just been so happy for them. But I’m ashamed to say, my thoughts took a different turn. I was inwardly longing for my husband to do more things like my relative’s husband.
    My husband, Jim, is one of those guys who is right there to help with the dishes, keeps the cars, computers and appliances well maintained. He is friendly and outgoing with the neighbors. He is the guy you want to have around in any emergency, is cheerfully willing to lend a hand, and hard working. Imagine the “Everready Bunny”. Mr. Faithful. We’ve been able to host many family events as a team because I can so count on his help.
    In that moment, I am ashamed to say, I instantly pictured the times when Jim and I got “stuck” in our differing perspectives, and well, didn’t “bring out the best in each other.”
    I couldn’t help but laugh to myself when, sometime later, another wife confided in me, “I wish my husband was more like your husband, “He helps around the house”.
    This reminded me of the truth that the Lord tells us “thou shalt not covet…”
    That thought led me to remembering another time when I was tempted to covet and consciously, was enabled by the Lord to choose in another situation NOT to covet.
    It was years ago when we lived in a small rented townhouse. Along the route to the nearby grocery store there happened to be a lovely 2 story home under construction. Passing that house so regularly on my shopping path and watching the progress of the building of it turned into a temptation to covet.
    “What a nice house. I wish we were the ones building our own house”, I thought.
    Then another thought came rather suddenly, “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s house”. (The law really is written on our hearts.)
    “Uh oh,” Pangs of guilt told me my thoughts were getting me in trouble. “What do I do?”
    The idea came to pray for the family that was building the house. I did. It was an offensive move to thwart the invading lustful thought. After that, when I drove by, it became a habit to pray for the family building the house.

    Little did I imagine that a couple years later, while attending a new church, we would meet the family that occupied that very “almost” coveted home. We became good friends with them and with the mother of the husband in the family “Grandma”, who was living with them and their young boys.
    We discovered these dear people were leaders at the church, in the denomination’s Church Planting Ministry. They were here to start the church we were attending and others in our regional area. This was the family whose home the Lord prevented me from coveting.
    Our friendship grew to taking their “ Grandma” on some of our family’s outings. The riches and wisdom of her years were a gift to our family. This also helped the young family have some needed time alone.
    Soon their ministry was finished. Our friends had a new call to Pennsylvania, but their house had not yet sold. Since my husband and I had a flexible lease option, we were able to move into their lovely home, take care of it for them, show it, enjoy it for a time. We ended up living in that home for 1 ½ years before it sold. No, we never bought that home. Yes, Jesus is still keeping us flexible.
    Another incident while we were living there, gave insight into understanding my husband’s heart.
    One of Jim’s bosses at work drove past one day, stopped in the yard, and was bold enough to comment to Jim, “How can you afford a house like this on the salary we pay you?”
    My precious husband, embarrassed, explained to the man that we were just stewards of someone else’s home.
    When Jim shared that with me, I realized the Lord had us right where He wanted us: renting. “stewards of someone else’s home.”
    I love my husband’s very Christ like servant’s heart. I wouldn’t change that for anything.
    Now, please, fast forward to the comparison of my relative’s husband. Here I was again being tempted to covet, instead of being the loving, patient and supportive wife I long to be. It can really be a struggle, comparing my “race to run” with someone else’s.
    Finally, it dawned on me: I wasn’t being content or grateful. Yikes! What was I thinking? Coveting distorted the truth. My husband leads in almost daily devotions with me. It just didn’t look like I expected it to. I needed once again to shift my focus off myself and my feelings, and back on to thanking God for the wonderful gifts and life on my own course to run.
    The Lord really does know what He’s doing. 

  39. Thank-you Lord, I glad we are all made different. Even twins are not alike. Be glad your spouse was not like
    your friend spouse. You never know what goes on behind close doors. Some people do not have a spouse, some spouses has passed away, or some people never had a chance to get married. Give thanks to the Lord for your spouse and family. A family that pray together stay together. When we get married, it is for better or worse, sickness and health, rich or poor. Always keep pray, love, friendship,family,grace,mercy,and a lot of hugs, etc. Tell your spouse how much you care and love them. Show your spouse true love. AMEN

  40. Joe Blow says:

    As a man let me say that contentment seems to be a huge challenge with women (men certainly have their problems also). The reason I am single today is that every relationship starts out the same – I’m the greatest man she’s ever met. How did she deserve such a gentleman? I take such good care of her. I actually talk to her, etc. I”m a godly man who actually lives it, etc. It makes me feel sad other men have set the bar so low. But over time all my good points start getting taken for granted. And, although I haven’t changed, soon the nagging, critical spirit of discontent starts. After another few months she’s amazed she ever put up with me. The tiniest things become grounds for criticism and none of my good points are appreciated any longer. Bad points are found everywere, even if they need to be manufactured -and once again – I haven’t changed at all. Still acting the same way I always have. I now understand why some men want a bride from another country. As far as marriage, I am reminded of the old saying “a man marries a women expecting her not to change, and a woman marries a man expecting him to change – and they’re both disappointed.”

    • Joe Blow says:

      Let me also say I know some of you ladies are hurting. Some of you are really, truly being neglected, or in some cases, even abused. I think men fall prey to neglect. We think, “I’m not being bad to my wife. I don’t run around on her, or speak mean to her, and I certainly don’t hit her. I go to work and pay the bills, and so on.” What we don’t do is step forward to do more. To win our wife’s heart each day. We settle for second best of simply not doing wrong. I get that. I realize that can lead to discontent. We, all of us, just have to focus on ourselves and what we can do better, in God’s strength, and trust God will deal with our partner.

  41. I also used to have the issue with my husband and still working on not comparing him with others. However, this message convicted me in a different way. I have been praying for a better job which I just got this week with a higher package than I even hoped for but i started comparing what I got with what others were been paid and started feeling like I shortchanged myself in the negotiation. Instead of thanking God for all the miracles that occurred to make me get the job, I am busy thinking of the better package I should have gotten!!!!

    Thank you for sharing this at this time for it reminded me of how wrong my attitude has been and how ungrateful I have been.

  42. Thank you for such a great message & devotional!! You’re so right! It’s so easy to slip into the comparison trap that leads to “the lie” of unmet desires and then coveting! God is so good and gives us each such blessings that having the heart of gratitude is truly where joy & contentment lye. But..it all starts with my thinking! I need to make dumping the “stinking thinking” a daily practice! Thank you Sharon for your wise & Godly words (counsil!)

  43. Wow this is perfect. Why do we always think we want something we don’t have. Her husband holds the door for her , her husband calls her “sweetheart”, her husband is her confidante. Anyway you get the picture. But no one is perfect. Not anybody. So I pray that I will be able to accept the one I have and grow in that relationship instead of complaining about him 24/7. Help me to appreciate what you are doing in both of us in Jesus’ name I pray a-men.

  44. Living for Jesus. says:

    For 30 years I cry out to the Lord. To heal our marriage from all the physical and mental abuse . I can now say that I been married for almost 39 years. And for the last 9 years I now can say we have a loving caring marriage. He is now my best friend and the difference Is day and night. He now a new man in Christ , all because of Jesus. He now helps me out around the house and we enjoy spending time together. All of this because of sweet Jesus. Yes our past is just that past. And now we look ahead for living each day for Jesus.

  45. Ms. Glasgow,
    Loved your teaching, but how does on handle a husband that quit his job (2nd time) been a year now, other 3.5 years, does zero with me, doesn’t want to talk about anything (shuts me down) and this has gone on for 20+ years!

  46. Susan G. says:

    Thank you for this. This week I have been catching myself being critical of my husband (of 42+ years) for not doing something minor, when the Lord has been quick to remind me all of what my husband does! He takes care of all the responsibilities and maintenance of our home, our several rentals, as well as overseeing an addition to a home where our daughter and 2 grandchildren live! When I stopped to see the facts I had to ask forgiveness for being critical of something little. In reality my husband is supposed to be retired…and still working like a man half his age! But the enemy loves to lie to us and stir up trouble where there should be only thankfulness.
    Thanks for this great reminder to be thankful for the husband God has given to us!

  47. Linda anderson says:

    The husbands I sometimes envy are the ones that are very strong believers. Because of the way he lives his daily life I have doubts that my husband believes in Christ. Prayers are appreciated. Thank you

  48. Linda anderson says:

    I have doubts that my husband is a believer because of the way he lives his daily life. Sometimes I envy husbands who are strong believers.

  49. I’ve been married 32 years, 7 children and was the dutiful loving wife who cared and took care of a Godly family. Now, empty nest has left me bitter towards my husband and VERY SELFISH and wondering from God. I take full response ability but just can’t (or don’t) seem to find a loving relationship I believe Christ intended for us.
    Thank you for letting me have a sounding board!
    Blessings to you

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