Losing This Battle is Not an Option

Losing This Battle is Not an Option

May 2, 2014

“My son, do not despise the LORD‘s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV)

By the time our daughter Heather turned 2, all my prideful pre-parenting thoughts had come back to me. How many times had I unfairly judged another mama and promised myself my kids would never act like that?

You know that behavior: flailing around in their mother’s arms, pitching a fit on the grocery store floor or throwing a tantrum in line at the movies. However, my daughter’s strong will was unrelenting. She tried my patience constantly … and often acted like that.

I’ll never forget one particularly difficult night. It had been a long grueling day of battles, and it was bedtime. (Praise God for bedtime.) Heather had hurt her baby sister, so I told her to apologize. She refused.

Everything in me wanted to just put Heather to bed, but I knew I couldn’t let this go. So in a stern voice, I told her, “Go to your room and I’ll meet you there.” Thankfully, she obeyed and walked to her bedroom.

I thought a battle had been avoided … until she looked back at me with that iron will glaring. She stood there with one foot in the room and one foot in the hall.

“Get in your room, Heather.” My tone meant business, but she wouldn’t budge. I thought to myself, I’m just too stinking tired for this.

At that point, I remembered Proverbs 3:11-12, a verse I memorized before Heather was born: “My son, do not despise the LORD‘s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”

As I weighed my choices, the Lord spoke to me through that verse. And I knew He was saying: Losing this battle is not an option. I took a deep breath and decided no matter how long it took, I would not allow Heather’s disobedient will to triumph over my exhaustion. I loved her too much.

She finally sat down, half in the room, half out. And I joined her in the hall. We stayed there for hours that night. I wasn’t mad, just determined. My daughter would know after this night that her mama means what she says. There was no TV. No toys. Not even a scrap of paper to draw on.

While she sat, I folded laundry, paid a few bills and made my grocery list — in between asking if she wanted to apologize. Her eyes were getting heavy, and I knew she wanted to win the battle, but I remained firm.

Finally, three hours after her bedtime she apologized to her sister and to me. I kissed her goodnight as I tucked her in bed; she hugged me and smiled like I was the greatest mom in the world. All was good in our home, at least for that night.

That wasn’t our last battle. But over time they became fewer and fewer as I consistently disciplined my children, just like the Lord disciplines those He loves. Why? Because He longs for us to be wise, to avoid making harmful mistakes and to grow in His grace. That’s what I want for my five daughters.

I spent a lot of time in prayer and sitting in doorways as my girls grew up. Each one was different from the other, each requiring a different form of discipline. They’re grown up now, and I’m delighted to say that Heather and her sisters love the Lord and walk in His ways.

I love my children and know they are worth all the time invested in the disciplining. Even the many long, sleepless nights.

Lord, I need You more than ever. I need Your strength, wisdom and leading to raise my children up in the way they should go. Help me! I feel inadequate most days. I know that through You I can do all things. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Visit Sharon Glasgow’s blog to watch a short video on Raising Strong Willed Children into Warriors for Jesus. There’s a free giveaway too!

The Mom I Want to Be by Suzanne Eller

Real Issues, Real Teens by Suzanne Eller

Reflect and Respond:
Raising children takes a lot of mental, spiritual and physical bandwidth. Are there things in your schedule you could delete that would give you greater ability to parent well?

Are you consistent in disciplining? Do you follow through with the rules? Do you discipline in love? Write a list of things you need to work on to be the parent God calls you to be.

Power Verse:
Proverbs 29:17, “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” (NIV)

© 2014 by Sharon Glasgow. All rights reserved.

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Comments

  1. Ultimately, my family obviusly thought that they could just “dump” me off when I was old enough. I feel like being here at the Mary Bryant Home as my mom’s way of “abandoning” …me ecause she didn’ really want the burden of caring for a disabled kid nymore. Though thi was a joint decision fr me to be where I am, I can’t hep thinking what he real reason was for whymy parens droped me at the fist pace they could find, especiall when here ar obviously other places tat can take in seone with multipledisabilities in Illinoi. Just because I have a disability, it seems like my mom doesn’t really want to come see me and Ron much. Shes only really come to spend more than a day or so with me when she came to see me at State for Special lympics a few years back. That wasabout the only time that she really styed a good whil. One thing I wish she could o more i come visit longer; however, her job dfinitely keeps her extremely buy a lot. “My son, do not despise the LORD‘s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.” Proverbs 3:11-12 (NIV)
    What a powerful statement! God isn’t ryin to disciplin us because he doesn’t care; yet, He wants to show us just how much He loes us. I never really felt loved whenever my parents disciplined me. They gave me time-outs when I was little, even grounded me once wihthout being able to watch TV for a week, orsomething like that. Luckily, God doesn’t take away privileges from us like our earthly parents do.
    “My son, do not despise the LORD‘s discipline, and do not resent his rebuke, because the LORD disciplines those he loves, as a father the son he delights in.”
    Wow! I am sure Godistrying to tel me that there are multiple ways of handling various situations. e don’t need togive up on the batle that e may b curently dealngwith. Losing the attle isn’tgoing to fix the problem whatsoever.
    “Lord, I need You more than ever. I need Your strength, wisdom and leading to raise my children up in the way they should go. Help me! I feel inadequate most days. I know that through You I can do all things. Thank You, Lord. In Jesus’ Name, Amen”~haron Sharon Glasgow What a very true prayer! I know that I can most definitey do allthings through Christ, who gives me strength. I don’t really know where I’d be if od wasn’t a majorpart of my life. Love isn’t something you dot share if the person you cre about does something incorrectly; you needto love one another, no mater hat. My husband, Ron Smith loves me unconditionally, despite the things I may not do well. How wondeful he is to me! I care so muh about him, more thn he will ever even fathem in his lifetime. His ♥ for e grows all the tie, and I thank him for being such a kind and gentle giant” of a husband that he has been so far. Proverbs 29:17, “Discipline your children, and they will give you peace; they will bring you the delights you desire.” (NIV)
    I think that this verse is saying tht raising kids can be ewardin. Unfortunately, thereward isn’tgoin to come easily whatsoeve. Discipline is a way of teaching kds right from wrong; howeve, Ithink kids sould also betaught about what God approves of and oesn’t like.Like · Reply · a few seconds ago
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  2. DairyMom says:

    Very encouraging! I liked the q at the end asking what I can delete from my schedule to make me a better parent! I think it is a universal question: what can we delete to make us a better wife? daughter? friend? I could keep going. The point is priorities. If what is in my schedule is preventing me from being a better parent, it needs to go! If what is in my schedule is draining me too much to discipline consistently and lovingly in a way that reveals the very nature of God to my children, it’s not worth it-even if it seems like a good thing. My husband and I are dairy farmers and the amount of pressure on our family is relentless. It is a difficult life, especially with four young children. The activities some people take for granted are a struggle for us and even downtight impossible at times. Everything we do and more is necessary to the survival of our livelihood. So, then, my question is how do I cut back? Before we bought the farm, I felt like I was “that mom” who was consistent and even homeschooled our children. Now no matter what I do, it is not enough. My health has been affected, and we are all struggling to find balance again. We desperately need balance or we will fall apart! Does anyone know of any online resources particularly pertaining to our situation where I could go for advice and encouragement? One more thing I should note, I am praying God brings my husband back-he is so stressed he thinks of nothing, takes time for nothing, including God. His faith was new when we married 10 yr ago and while he still has faith, I’m not sure it is a priority any more. We as a family desperately need him as a leader, protector and mentor. I am currently filling these roles and it is exhausting! Thank you. One more thing I should mention, this site has been so encouraging to me and had filled in when I migt not otherwise spent time in the Word. This is my first time posting.

    • My heart goes out to you, DairyMom. I was raised on a dairy farm many long years ago. It is said my father never walked from task to task but RAN. I don’t know of any online resources but hopefully someone else will. Praying for your health and that your husband will put God first.

    • Denise says:

      Dairy Mom, check out Focus on the Family, lots of online resources and messages day to day. I listen to them on my phone daily. There is also Family Talk with Dr James Dobson and His Son Ryan Dobson another one I listen to. I wish I had these resources as I was raising my three kids.

    • DairyMom, I suggest that you seek real-life and not on-line guidance. I grew up in a farming community, and there were several dairying families in our church. There was a bond among them, driven by their faith and their schedule.

      Lord, send DairyMom another dairy mother to be her friend, her prayer partner, her encourager. Amen.

  3. Why is that when they are young it seems girls are more strong willed?

    I’m exhausted most evenings; I have a 5 going on 15 and 3 wanting to whatever her sister does. Most days we laugh, but by end of week, we do more yelling!! I pray that God gives me energy, strength, and kindness after 5!! I love my girls, want to raise them to love God, themselves, and others. It’s diffcult most days; I’m newly divorced and their dad lives on the negative side of life. I pray every day that God gives me the parenting tools I need. This morning’s devotion is going to keep me going; I’m going to print/hang to remind myself its all worth it!! God Bless the ladies (and gentlemen) at Proverbs 31!!!

  4. How often I stand with one foot in the world, stubbornly challenging God’s rules for my life. How patiently He waits for me to come to my senses.

    Thank you, Lord, for grace and mercy. Thank you for love and [deep breath] discipline. Amen.

  5. Angie m says:

    I’m glad I’m not the only one that goes through that! This devotion is awesome!! My daughter Abbey is now 11 Years old and I have had to “eat so many of the words” I said before she came along. We still have our moments but with God’s help and a lot of prayers I know we will be just fine!!

  6. Denise says:

    I was that strong willed child. I used to be proud of it. But through lifes bumps and bruises I discovered that that is what the Bible calls pride and it did not serve me well. Oh I still get knocked down on occasion but getting in sink with God and realizing my way was not best for me that it truly only hurt me. I was so strong willed as a child that my Father who believed in winning the battle basically spanked me for a hour we argued who was the boss and of course I said I was. Finally giving in I said he was. Mom asked me later who was the boss and I said she was. Now at 52 we all laugh at my strong will and of course I own things with the saying that say Mom she’s the Boss. I thank the Lord for his loving me through and his relentless ways of allowing me to try and be the Boss until I was so tired that I now have clearer vision. Praise God!

  7. Dear Dairy mom …… I to am a farmer and I know exactly what you mean about time , finances , and feel inadequate many days as a parent because of all I have to give to the farm to keep things going . Yesterday was the 11 month anniversary of the passing of my husband ….he died unexpectedly with a heart attack . He was a little older than me and the farm was started by his father . After his fathers passing he asked me to leave public work and do this together . I agreed and we started this journey together . Now 15 years later I face the challenges we faced at one time together without him. We were blessed with four children all of which are grown except our 15 year old. And he misses his father terribly . We also havea grandchild who has lived with us since birth who thought of my husband in a fatherly way .In all that we have faced God has been in each step and though there are days when I feel completely overwhelmed I know that He won’t let me go under . I will pray for you and our famly . I will pray that God will help your husband deal with the daily pressure and the stress and help him to find time (even if it seems tiny patches ) to spend with the kids . I will pray that God will reveal himself in a new way to him and bring him back to the relationship he once shared with Him . I know it is hard but God has a plan for each life and this is the road He has given me to travel . I know He has a greater purpose and I know that my husband is waiting for me in heaven . So for now I will bloom as best I can right where God has planted me .Prayers and love in Christ.

  8. Thanks for this reminder. It is so hard to parent sometimes and I needed this reminder that God stands with us through the hard times. Our love for Him and our children should motivate us to stick it when life gets tough. Thanks for this post!

  9. I am not a parent nor am I even married but I still was able to take something away from this devotional. Thank you Sharon!

  10. Vimalkumari David says:

    I want all moms to read this & follow so that our children will know the Lord & the Lord more!

  11. Larissa says:

    So encouraging! Right on time. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  12. Lazendra says:

    Parenting is hard work, but learned early on raising my daughter that discipline is not an option it is a must. I even had people try to tell me I was to strict on my daughter. However, she is now 13 sweet dissposition, serving in our church youth group actively and is a joy to be around. As a single parent that was my biggest fear, that if my child was unruly and a discipline problem I would never be able to find good people to take care of her when I had to be away from home for work. Having disciplined her people church or school are always asking for her to come over to their homes. The parents told me that she calms their children and is never a hassle. So I said all that to say this, God gave us our children. I chose to give mine back to Christ when she was born, and asked God to guide me in raising her to live for him. That simple prayer is what gets me through when someone else tries to critique my parenting, I knew that I was doing what God would have me to do. My faithfulness in trusting him has help me to shape the wonderful personality of a teenager that is not bent on rebelling against everything I say, but doing it and seeking God first. Yes parenting can be difficult, but print in the work on the front end can make life a little more bearable on the tail end.

  13. God is so amazing, and timely lol. Yesterday I had the best day ever with my 2yr old son but last night I was at my wits end with him! Strong willed to say the least and I am so at a loss with his fits. I can relate to Denise wanting to spank him for an hour lol but thank The Lord His mercies are new each morning! We went to bed in the middle of dinner and I woke up to this devotion. Definitely need to save this one for the road ahead.

  14. Sharon I feel as if this was written for me! Thank you so much for your transparency and your willingness to share God’s word. I was just meditating on that verse yesterday; God disciplines those he loves. And I have a different perspective, as the daughter of parents that never disciplined. I can tell you I have struggled with self discipline my whole life as I did not learn it growing up. I’m 51 and still struggle. But, I ask God to discipline me and help me to be disciplined. I was so happy when I opened this devotion this morning as confirmation I’m on the right track. Again thank you so much for your faithfulness.

  15. Tiffany Knowles says:

    This was awesome! I needed this. I have 3 children. Two of them never give me
    problems; however, I have one that has given me problems everyday since he was a yr old. He is very strong will. He will be 13 yrs old next week and I am seeing an improvement. That u for reminding me of this verse and to be consistent.

  16. Gillie Ruth says:

    I agree we need to teach and discipline our children, but I can’t believe the post about a father ‘spanking’ a child for an hour. That is abuse, plain and simple, leading by example, staying firmly consistent and being loving is better by far than that appalling behavior. My father was a victim of a father that had to break him and win every battle, he is still suffering endless, problems despite his faith because of this…he is 85 and still trying to cope. Hands off, hearts on, and pray for communication with your children. Oh how I hate hearing of aggressive, oppressive ‘parenting’ , so unchristian.

  17. Thank you so much for posting this. I have 3 teens and one very strong willed 8 year old. I am weary, but want to keep fighting.

  18. Thank you for this God sent, timely post and video! Please pray for me and my six year old strong willed son, Jonathan, that I may not walk in the flesh but in the Spirit in choosing my battles, that I will spend more time on my knees and pray and speak blessings over him (and no curses out of frustration), and that we will both make good choices that honor the Lord. Please also pray for my husband, that he will truly return to the Lord instead of just putting on a mask for others to see, answer God’s call to be the spiritual leader in our family, pray and speak blessings over us instead of curses, and make wise choices for our family! God bless you in your home and ministry!

  19. Thank you so much for this! It is an exhausting task to say the least! And many days we Mom’s feel alone in the battle. I’ve always said if I could just keep my strong-willed child on track, she will do GREAT things for God. Please pray for her to know Him as Lord and Savior and walk in the light.

  20. What a beautiful reminder that it’s worth the “blood, sweat, and tears” of consistent discipline. I sure needed this reminder. Thank you!

  21. Janette Timmins says:

    God is so faithful in meeting my needs with this devotional and ministry. I have been struggling with my daughter, who is almost 4 and a half, since she turned 3. It has been a very rough year and a half, full of lots of tantrums and sleepless nights and tears shed on both our parts. This morning was no different when I was woke up at 5:40am with a “Moooom” coming from down the hall. As I trudged back to my bed after telling her it was too early to wake up (knowing in 30 minutes tops she would call me again) I picked up my phone and read this devotional. I nearly cried as I was reminded that (1) I’m not alone, (2) my daughter is my greatest gift from God even at 5:40, and (3) that she was just strong willed. This last reminder was actually a revelation. In talking with other moms I have always been told that my struggles with her are “just a phase she will eventually grow out of”. It has always been something that I would just have to survive until it passed, which is a pretty miserable place to be as a mom and a very sad view to have of your relationship with your child. This devotional and the attached video showed me that she isn’t going through a phase I have to weather, but rather God has blessed me with a strong willed child that I get to prayerfully grow with. Thank you so much for this message, it has honestly given me a new perspective and hope.

  22. After my daughter’s stomping and ranting how mean I am this morning, this was nice to read. She is something. And before drop off at school I was the best mom. My son was a tiny challenge at 6, but my daughter takes the cake!! Adventures in parenthood….Thank God for His wisdom, and thank you for your post.

  23. Thank you so much Proverbs 31 :). This post was so helpful. I am an older mom of 3 children; 2 we adopted & came along when I was 42 & 44! My husband of 18 years is a great team mate in the challenge of raising our 9,11, & 15 year old children. Our greatest desire is for them to love the Lord with all their heart, soul, & mind. As we try to live this out day to day, the enemy is doing his best to try & trip us up. I know we cannot win the daily battle of parenting without God’s mercy, strength, wisdom, grace, & patience! Our 9 yr. old is exactly like the daughter mentioned earlier (1 foot in the bedroom, 1 foot in the hallway), & I am reminded once again that I can be like that too (as Shirlee said so well) :). I so want my daughter’s strong will to be used for God’s glory, but I am afraid I am not consistent enough, & often am so exhausted by the battles. I know I resort to yelling much too often, but am pretty good about asking for forgiveness as we talk about the situation. I want our children to have repentant hearts as my husband & I do too. I am so thankful that God’s mercies are new every morning!

  24. Thank you for these words. I have a two year old, strong-willed son. I so needed to be reminded to stay strong and consistent. This really hit home and I appreciate it more than I can express. Thanks!

  25. Thank you for this devotional. I’ve been praying recently about how to discipline my 10 month old in the future as I see her will getting stronger and stronger. Im always praying that as the time comes to discipline, that I’ll be strong enough to do it well and in a way thats 100 % pleasing to the Lord. Thanks so much.

  26. Tara Richardson says:

    Thank you so much for this encouraging post. We just had a long night last night with our 4 year old, but as the writer said, I love her too much not to discipline her. And today is better 🙂 Thanks again.

  27. Hannah says:

    This was a great post 🙂 though I am not a parent, I help take care of my siblings and sometimes I get that stoppy foot, sass mouthing, lying, etc from my younger siblings. I tell them they better quit it and remind them what God doesn’t like. I’ve noticed too that television has been distorting their minds. My younger sibling told me one day that it’s okay to lie if you have too. And I said, you don’t have to lie, God hates lying. And yesterday she told me that we (her and her sister) lied because we didn’t want to get in trouble, and my answer, the same. I said you’ll get in trouble either way, just don’t do wrong. Even though I had to do school work and was loosing time for that, I sat in their room and talked to them, explaining to them, and sharing some of God’s wonderful mysteries to them that I knew of. One thing I have realized is this, keep being persistent with your children. My younger sibling now repeat parts of prayers that I say with them and even if I don’t want to pull myself away from something, I go and have a prayer with them before they go to bed. If you’re a Christian and want your child to become one as well, keep putting God in their life as much as you can. Talk about Him everyday and pull Him into life situations. When something bad happens, explain how nothing is out of His control. Just keep giving time to them. Show they love, but most importantly, show them God’s love. Who they become in the future will show a lot about how you raised them. Also, when they do wrong, please show them love with discipline. And take time to talk to them..just don’t avoid the situation. Sometimes when your child does wrong, they want you to talk to them and help them, not you ignore them.

  28. What an AMAZING devotion. Kudos to the writer . . . .Excellent job! I too can relate to
    this devo as I am blessed with a beautiful 6 soon to be 7 years old. She is strong willed and very positively chatty. However, I realize though that if I do nto yell at her or hurt her feelings she is normally a better child. I sometime only have to raise my voice when she is being disorderly or a above my head, her fathers, and for the most part her brother’s. I must add that the girl is sharp in school, an amazing dancer, and loves to help out in the home. Trust me, her fine attributes far out weights her imperfections. She is caring, and lovable. However, just do not rub her the wrong way. Most important, she is a prayer warrior and loves the things of God. Therefore, I concur with the writer, in time this too shall pass as I know deep within that there is a calling on both the lives of my children. Lets love them, treat them kindly, yell less (speaking to myself) treat them with love and trust and watch for the transformation. I realize that it only takes a spark to get a fire going. Often times we as parents receive that which we give . . . .Love you all! And thanks for this BLESSING:-)

  29. Way to go Sharon!

  30. Awesome post- so helpful. Sometimes we try to fight battles unnecessarily, too. Wise advice to pick your battles- and by that I mean try to recognize when the issue is they’re just plain exhausted. I often timed my kids out on their beds- and they went right to sleep. When they woke up they processed out of their time out quickly- apologized readily once refreshed by a nap. That’s not an automatic- the parent has to make it happen. But I sometimes had to pick them up and put them in their bed. If that didn’t work they were stuck in the hall on the floor. I love all the comments here- all very helpful!

  31. Sandra Golightly says:

    Oh this devotional brings back memories of when our children were small. When I share stories of our daughters temper tantrums with other moms with young strong willed children they look at her now and can’t believe it. As we prepare for our youngest to get ready for college this devotional reminds me our job as parents isn’t done. We still have to be determined to stick with them no matter how tired we are or how old we feel.

  32. Teronica Snell says:

    I sooo need help with my teens and how to handle the issues with my grown kids. So overwhelmed and failing bad as a parent. I’m very tired of trying, to be honest, because the more I try to love and protect and discipline…it just a stab in the back and a slap in the face, breaking generational curses of rebellion from my family is where I’m @.I don’t know .please pray for me to not give up on my family.

  33. Judy Rothrock says:

    My kids are grown but I wish I had then. Awesome insight ..I sent itto my granddaughter who has a VERY strong willed son. Thank you for sharing!!

  34. maria garcia says:

    my son is almost 14. it wasn’t much as a challenge as it is now that he is getting into those teen years. but for a big part he is a good kid. we had a rule, you mess up you punish yourself and we can discuss.. example i would write down the punishment and he would think about what he did and what he though his punishment was. this wasn’t easy took lots of trials.. eventually it got to the point that his punishment were more severe than mine and would vote.. but it has worked to keep in on the right path. i have discipline with love showing that they are consequence for every action..

  35. I believe that God is telling us our actions will have repercussions. When I was disciplined growing up that meant hitting, slapping, what I now recognize as child abuse. This only came from one parent and was only directed at me because I was the girl. My parents were very religious and felt that men had more importance as the father was the head of the house. We have raised our boys very differently and would not raise our hands to them. They are stubborn, compassionate, caring and loving and most importantly live for our Jesus. And we chose not to live life as a battle to see who would win.

  36. DairyMom says:

    The responses here are overwhelmingly amazing. Thank you for the encouragement. I am praying for all of the moms and all of their children this morning!

  37. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. My Katie is 2. Good reminder that I discipline her because I love her:)!

  38. Thank you, i have a chid 7 years old very dificult

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