“Melissa, you have to share with everyone what happened to you during Week 3 of Breathe.”
“No I don’t.”
“Yes, you do.”
This was how my conversation with our P31 OBS Manager, Kendra Schwarz, was going when she asked me to write today’s post. Even though I was reluctant to share, I knew she was right. Although it wasn’t my finest moment, it was a defining moment. And we’ve agreed to be honest here. So, here’s the story.
Before we brought Breathe to you as an OBS, our Proverbs 31 OBS staff went through it together. Each week, we gathered to discuss our own personal journey. And during our Week 3 discussion, something happened to me.
As we got to page 70, my chest tightened, my eyes started tearing up and my breathing became difficult. I couldn’t control it. Believe me, I tried. Here I was in the middle of Bible study falling apart and I was scared. I was having a panic attack. Here’s the question that triggered this unfamiliar reaction:
“Deep inside is there anything that you question whether or not God will take care of in your life? If so, what?”
As I looked down at my book through my tears, I read my own words I’d written in response to the question above. I wrote: “Yes. Does God really see me? Will He really take care of me? My work? My family? My children? If so, then why is this happening?” (Note: It’s the this, and God knows what this is, that I’m struggling with. I bet you have your own this that you could fill in here too.)
I never realized how much I wasn’t trusting God. Admitting this disappoints my so-called faith-filled self. If I have faith in the Lord, then where is it now and why am I struggling to trust Him? This week’s Big Idea is key:
Obey – God will take care of the rest.
The day I broke down in my study group was also the day I realized I wasn’t alone. Kendra, Beth, Jessie, Angie, Wendy and Jessica immediately surrounded me and began praying. As I sobbed, the layers began to fall off. It was one of the most precious and freeing moments of my life.
Though I continue to be challenged, I now have my hope restored. Getting honest with myself and allowing my imperfection to become a place of growth, instead of humiliation, has freed me to practice this idea of doing my part in obedience and then trusting God to take care of the rest. Even when I’m struggling, I’m choosing to throw my arms up in surrender to God and proclaim, “You’ve got this!” Notice, I didn’t say, “I’ve got this,” because I don’t. But He does.
I realized that I was worrying and wishing for different circumstances when God was asking me to leave it to Him. Is there anything God is asking you to leave to Him? If so, what steps can you take to begin doing that?
For Your Weekend:
Let’s end this week by looking up some verses to help remind us that God can be trusted and He will take care of our business.
- Proverbs 12:25
- 1 Peter 5:7
- Philippians 4:6-7
- Psalm 55:22
Here’s next week’s Week at a Glance for you to download so you can begin preparing for what’s ahead in our final week of study!
WEEK AT A GLANCE