"And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love. " Romans 8:38 (NLT)
When I heard that God can meet us where we are, I didn't know that meant He would plow His way through the empty bottles of alcohol and beer cans that littered my life. Mind you, even had I known, I was not at a point in my life where I would have tidied up the place for Him. Drinking and good housekeeping were mutually exclusive. Sobriety and God seemed virtually impossible.
Being an alcoholic was never on my list of things I wanted to be when I grew up. Neither was being short, but I didn't escape either one of those. Now, with the perspective of over twenty years of living sober, I realize I drank like an alcoholic from the time I started, which was while I was in high school. If a place between sober and drunk existed, it never showed up on my radar. Growing up in New Orleans, the city where if you're not experiencing a hurricane, you're drinking one of the colorful rum drinks with the same name at Pat O'Brien's, any occasion could justify a celebratory toast. Birthdays, holidays, Tuesdays ...
For most of my adult life, God and I met at family reunions - Easter and Christmas. I didn't make an effort to exclude Him from my life; I just didn't bother to include Him. Drinking eased my pain and elevated my happiness. Why would I need or miss God? I didn't. At least not until, like my character Leah in my novel Walking on Broken Glass, I experienced something so unexpected and painful, that no amount of drinking filled the void. For Leah, it was the death of her child. For me, it was when one of my twin girls was born with Down Syndrome. And, like Leah, I lashed out at God. Dared Him to heal my child. Pummeled Him with anger. Then ignored Him for years.
But none of it—not my drinking, not my raging, not my rejecting—separated me from God's love. He used my weakness to demonstrate His strength. Over the past twenty years, I've come to realize that we all have strongholds, areas in our lives that prevent us from having a full relationship with God. Things that, even though we know they're wrong, we hold on to so tightly, we can't reach out to grab God's hands. Alcohol, gambling, food, drugs, shopping, pornography, power, gossip, status, anger, self-pity. Until we unclench our hands and let them go, these strongholds will control us.
Ultimately, God didn't heal my daughter; instead, through her, He healed me. And to prove His never-ending pursuit of me, He brought me into a relationship with Him through a recovery program as I reached the end of myself, laid down my stronghold, and took hold of His hand.
He can deliver you too. Are you ready to put down your "bottle," whatever that may be today, and reach for His hand?
Dear Lord, give me the strength to be weak so I can release anything that prevents me from seeing how deeply You love me. Open the eyes of my heart so You can reach me wherever I may be, to take me wherever I need to go. Remind me that it's only when I rest in Your promises that I can wage war to defeat the enemy. Thank You, Lord, for never giving up on me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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