"Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety." Proverbs 29:25 (NLT)
I want people to like me. I want to please others and pretend I can do all things for all people.
But I can get myself and my schedule into a mess because of it.
And in an effort to please others, it's those closest to me who get the worst of me when I'm overscheduled.
When my oldest daughter, Hope, was about 4 years old she decided it was too boring to take her afternoon nap. Instead, while I was downstairs preparing for guests, she was busy doing something else.
Please understand I'm not very talented in the kitchen. I do okay with preparing simple food for my people. But I get completely twisted up in a knot when preparing food for other people.
My timing is off. The veggies are stone cold by the time the meat is done. I forget the bread that's still frozen in the oven. And I also forget that making the salad the day before is a bad idea when you mix the dressing and croutons in it. Which, I've learned, turns it all into one big, soggy mess.
My emotions are also off. The pressure of my timing issues mixed with my desire to have everything just so with the house, isn't a pretty combination.
But when my Bible study leader asked for someone to host the year-end dinner and my friends all looked at me, I said, "Oh yes, of course. I'd love to do it."
Visions of home décor magazine covers started dancing in my head. Recipes and flower arrangements and perfectly set tables swirled about, intoxicating me with the thrill of seriously impressing my friends. Then some greatly deceived part of me quipped, "And no need for y'all to bring anything. I'd love to prepare a really nice meal for us."
Would somebody get a wooden spoon and knock some sense into me?
My inner people-pleaser blinded me ... until the day of the dinner party. Then the full-on reality of what I'd committed to made me want to crawl in a hole and hide. I was overwhelmed and underprepared.
I desperately needed my little people to give me full cooperation with naptime that day.
But Hope had no intention of fully cooperating. So when I saw puffs of something white coming through the air vents downstairs, my heart sank.
I dashed upstairs to find that Hope had emptied a large container of baby powder all over her room, herself and every air vent she could find. And now, that powder was filling the downstairs with a layer of white residue that made it look like I hadn't dusted in decades.
Fury rose from some deep, unbridled part of my already-pushed-to-the-max-self. Every bit of my frustration about the dinner party was now also Hope's fault. I screamed, "What were you thinking? Why do you always mess stuff up?!"
Instantly, I felt a cloud of shame descend on me thicker than the baby powder ever could.
And then the strangling effects of condemnation gripped me when her little voice replied back, "I was trying to make it look like heaven, Mommy. I thought you would love it."
The jarring reality of this incident started me on a journey of realizing that the ill effects of people pleasing spread. And make me the opposite of the kind of woman God made me to be.
Saying yes all the time won't make me Wonder Woman. It will make me a worn out woman. This isn't pleasing to anyone. Not my family. Not my friends. Not the people I'm trying to impress. And certainly not God.
If I know this, I can start to see people pleasing for what it really is ... a trap. Even the Bible calls it this in our key verse, Proverbs 29:25, "Fearing people is a dangerous trap, but trusting the LORD means safety." (NLT)
Yes, being so focused on pleasing people is a vicious trap that ensnares us and those who do life with us.
So, here's what we need to do today:
• Look for the trap.
• Unlock the trap.
To unlock the trap, we must use the word "no." This should be handled delicately and appropriately, but it should be used.
Back to the baby powder situation. I wound up apologizing to Hope after I had a good cry about my poor reaction. We took pictures of her "heaven." (Pictures that now, 16 years later, are complete treasures to me.)
I also served pizza to my Bible study group that night. In the midst of baby powder dust. And ... we all lived to tell about it.
Dear Lord, help me identify and overcome the traps of people pleasing today. I fully place my trust in You. In Jesus' Name, Amen.
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TRUTH FOR TODAY:
Colossians 3:23, "Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men." (ESV)
Cure the disease to please with a biblical understanding of the command to love with Lysa's book, The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands
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to learn 10 Ways to Graciously Say No When You Feel Pressured to Say Yes
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REFLECT AND RESPOND:
Identify a trap of people pleasing in your life. Then, look for an appropriate place to say no today. Remember, saying yes all the time won't make you Wonder Woman. It will make you a worn out woman!
© 2014 by Lysa TerKeurst. All rights reserved.