The Day I Almost Gave Up

The Day I Almost Gave Up

February 7, 2014

“The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry for help … The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, and delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:15-18 (HCSB)

I gripped the steering wheel of my car and stared at the hospital emergency doors. My heart pounded furiously, like a time bomb waiting to explode. The pressure in my head was almost unbearable. The invisible weight on my chest felt like someone dropped a sledgehammer on me.

Thoughts raced through my mind. I wanted to scream but could barely breathe a whisper. I just sat there lonely, afraid, shattered and completely empty inside.

Should I check myself into the hospital?

What if they admit me in the psychiatric ward and won’t let me go home?

Who will take care of my children?

Will my husband still love me?

What if my friends find out?

Reaching for my phone, panic rushed over me like a tidal wave. A pool of tears cascaded down my face, as I cried, Jesus, please help me!

Sitting in my car, unable to move, I continued to pray and ask God questions like, How did I get here? I’m a Christian for heaven’s sake! Things like this just don’t happen to Christian women – or do they? I feel like such a failure.

Looking back now, I can see how years of worry and stress had brought me to that day.

Concerns about my family’s finances kept me up most nights. Stress over a high-pressured job caused erratic panic attacks. Worry about my children’s health created knots in my stomach. Struggling to help my aging parents resulted in midnight crying sessions.

My concerns consumed me. Worrying became an addiction, demanding my ongoing attention. I was trying to “hold it all together” on the outside, but on the inside, a sea of doubt and fear haunted me.

Maybe you’re in a similar place. Have the stresses of life caught up with you too? Are you worried about your finances, health, marriage, job or kids? Do you wonder if anyone sees your pain or even cares? If you’re brave enough to cry out for help, will anyone rescue you?

In today’s verse, we are reminded we do have a Rescuer:

“The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry for help … the righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, and delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:15-18).

God sees you and hears your cries for help, even when no one else does. He knows your heartache. He sees your pain. If your heart is broken and you feel crushed from all sides, God promises to be close to you. Though you may not see Him with your physical eyes, He is there.

God rescued me that day in the hospital parking lot. After several hours of prayer, God calmed my heart and I called my husband. I reached out to close friends for help, and the healing started. Although I wanted an instant miracle, it took time, but God never left my side. He gently mended my broken heart and renewed my mind through His Word. He guided me along a journey that led to true freedom, for which I am forever grateful.

Has the stress of life taken its toll, causing you to feel afraid, lonely or ready to give up? Is your heart broken today? Let God rescue you, friend. He is ready. He is willing. He is able.

Dear Lord, it feels like my life is falling part. I desperately need You to rescue me. Thank You for hearing my cries and for delivering me from my troubles. Even when I am hidden from others, You see me, Lord. Thank You for saving me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Related Resources:
Do You Know Jesus?

Today Leah DiPascal is sharing more of her story on her blog, plus discussing when it’s important to get professional help. Click here to visit Leah’s blog where you can submit a prayer request and enter her drawing to win a signed copy of A Confident Heart book.

Pre-order a copy of Suzie Eller’s next book, The Mended Heart, releasing February 20th.

Reflect and Respond:
Read Psalm 139 and highlight every verse that tells of God’s presence and protection over you.

Write out a prayer thanking God for all the things you are grateful for today.

Power Verse:
Zephaniah 3:17, “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (NIV 1984)

© 2014 by Leah DiPascal. All rights reserved.

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Comments

  1. This blog is screaming my name!! Just take out the part of sitting in the car at the ER and it’s all me. Thanks for the honesty and the encouragement!!

    • i know it was screaming mine…thanks

      • I pray over you and your struggles. Thank you Holy Spirit for leading me to this devotional. I read the first few sentences and realized I may not be able to read the rest of it as this is my life story too. I got through it tearfully and needed this sooooooo very badly. Thank you Savior.

  2. Praying that those who read this post will be blessed and find the hope they need!

  3. This hit home for me… I am at my end and I have no idea how to find my way out od the dark. Please pray for me

    • I am praying for you. That God puts people in your path to listen and that you are humble and open to share your struggles. God bless you.

    • Marisa, I am praying Psalm 25:4-5 over you today. God is your light in the darkness and He promises to save you. Call out to Him and He will make His ways known to you. Don’t give up. God is fighting for you and His plans for you are good. He has wonderful things in store for your life. Blessings, Leah

      • cristi c franks says:

        I sat up tonight in my dark living room looking at stuff on my laptop wanting to write but feeling like the words wouldn’t come Like there was this big heavy weight on my chest and I am just one more problem away from a mental breakdown. Feb 18, 2015 my husband died. None of ever made sense and still doesnt but I’ve always felt like my husband probably took his own life but did in a careful way to make sure my four year son and I would get things he had for us such a life insurance. He was a good man, a loving husband and a great father among other things He was also a fire fighter for the city we live and well known and liked by everyone. I did not want to bring shame to his family so I have kept all the things that happened prior to his death inside sharing with very few people. He drove our car and the roads were icy and he hit a tree head on and was D.O.A. There were so many things that happened in the two weeks prior that it’s just too much to put here but my husband decided he wanted to know this God that had given me so much peace and he was longing for what he felt I had found. I was so thrilled finally my prayers were answered and everything was already good so I was sure life was about to be perfect. It didn’t happen that way and instead my husband died. That caused me to feel so angry at God after all my husband said I led him to God like his angel. I defiantly don’t feel like an angel tonight. I feel cold, alone, weak , needy, depressed, hopeless and if not for not wanting to hurt my new husband who I believe loves me very much and my six year old and I don’t want to put this hell that I feel on them. My son has suffered so much loss and I know my death would be too much for him to take and defiantly don’t want to leave him without his only parent. I have become so consumed with fears of losing my son and husband. I didn’t want to love anyone ever again so I’d never feel this kind of pain again. People say they are praying for you and I would lash out in anger after losing my late husband. Earlier tonight I was telling my husband about how I first came to know the Lord years ago and as I explained I was so jealous of that feeling of being on fire for God and so full of live , hope, love and loved the Lord on a different level I have had so much happening with my adult daughters I feel like one more phone call telling me what the new drama for today is and I’m just barely hanging on. My oldest daughter has become addicted to drugs and my youngest daughter is doing some very outragious things after a break up with her baby’s father. I never got time for me after the death of my husband because my daughters were doing so much and putting so much on me. I had a breakdown nine months after his death. The man I am married to now was a friend of my husbands and he was just really there for me through bad times and he loved me long before I loved him but I did want him here with us and more than want I NEEDED him. I was so afraid and I wanted to give my son a stable home that I always wanted for him. He is everything to me and I truly believe God blessed us late in life with this child because that child would be my life line in the grief stage. Anyways sitting in the dark weeping tonight and I came to your site somehow and reading so many things that hit home. I am so consumed with fear right now I don’t want my son going to his first day of school nor do I want my husband to leave me here alone today. If it wasn’t his pay day I would probably be asking him to stay here with me today because if he even remotely thought I was feeling this way he wouldn’t leave me here as he works very long hours so that I don’t have to and I can be home with my son who is also autistic. I hate going out and this house is where I spend so much of my time. We do attend church and recently my husband has been offered a position in ministry that he’s very excited about. I say these things to show I have good things going for me and things to be happy about but I rarely feel happiness. I feel like I’m a burden on my husband and not good enough to give him the love that he needs because I feel so damaged. I never knew the love of a father as my dad was never around, my mother is controlling, loves to control me and remind me of every past mistake I have ever made and I have cut her out of my life many times but I always feel badly for her and give in for hope for her being a mom to me. I was raised b y my grandma who died three months before my husband. I really don’t have friends anymore Not real ones. I have a lot of anger at my late husband for hurting me the way he did and hurting our baby boy when I trusted him completely and he’s the only man I have ever trusted in m;y life. I just knew he would never do anything to cause me pain We seemed to have the perfect life and I feel like I missed so much because of the stress of the girls doing so much stuff and abusing me with maniplation and guilt and other things. I’m at a point right now with my twenty year old that I’ve done all I know to do to help her and she keeps digging herself deeper and deeper I am not good at tough love but that’s where it’s at. I worry constantly about my grandson who is just nine months old. Ive even considered offering to take him until she gets it together but I don’t think that is what is going to fix anything. I would just enable her to continue this path she’s on and she really has no regard for how much stress she’s causing me or fianncial hardships or really much of anything. I feel so afraid my new marriage is falling apart and he’ll end up cheating on me or leaving me over time. Every man I’ve loved has hurt me, betrayed me or died, It’s so hard for me to understand the love of God when I have nothing to compare it to My own parents didn’t even love me and the man who was supposed to be raising me molested me many times and no one helped me even when I told 5 years later. My heart is just so crushed by life right now and I don’t know how much more I can handle. I just want to cry out to my husband because he’s the one person who has seemed to stay and love me even when I didn’t love me. I just don’t think it would matter much. I constantly wonder when he’s going to hurt me or abandon me and my son and I’ve even asked him to just leave now because I dont want to invest another year and it just take even more from me. I dont understand why I’ve had all this and I know people have had worse I just feel so empty right now and not understood and no one is really interested in hearing my same ole story about my husband dying. Even more than I’m afraid of losing this man who vowed to love me forever I am even more consumed with losing my son or him having to lose me. I don’t even know what I’m hoping to find here except some prayers and PLEASE don’t feel sorry for me. That’s not what I m trying to achieve. All the sympsthy in the world wont fix me and I KNOW this. after my late husband died I swore to never believe in God again but I am thinking that was just grief , anger and pain. About a year ago I did rededicate my life to the Lord and four months ago married with blessings from my late husbands family. They have been very good to me and at least try to love me. right now I am in that building up stage where I can feel a breakdown brewing. I’m not sleeping,eating , I feel like I’m so unworthy of very basic things, I’m so afraid and I feel like things are happening quicker than I can keep it all together and even though I m trying very hard I’m about to not be able to keep it looking like Im okay. I want to believe God loves me and has plans for me but I just feel like I’m in this dark deep hole and i can’t even pray my way out of it. I feel hopeless but not suicidal because that would be selfish and I could never hurt my son or husband that way. I have cried all night and in two hours my husband will be waking up to go to work so I hope to have the tears wiped away and maybe some coffee to make me look at least like I’ll make it through this day. Right now still wishing the darkness away. I’m having horrible anxiety about sending my son to school today . I just don’t want to because I don’t feel ready but don’t want to hurt him in any way. Sorry for making this so long. I’m just dumping out all these feelings like I know you which is not something I normally would even do. Just feeling desperate. I keep wondering what is wrong with me like seriously something must be wrong with me to feel like everyday i’m never enough I’ll never be more than this and this is just my cross to bear.

        • cristi c franks says:

          Still just sobbing like a baby but I wanted to share literally when I Hit send on my above post my husband came out of the bedroom at 3 am and called my name. I said Im in the kitchen trying to make some coffee He came in there and said how long have you been crying and just took me in his arms and held me and told me how much he loved me and that we will be okay but just that he’d had it with the amount of stress being put on me right now. I really have been blessed with not just one but two good men neither who have never so much as called me a name or hardly ever raised their voice to me Prior to that I was in a long 18 years of extreme abuse from my daughters father. I dont’ regret that because that abuse helped me when I met my late husband and my current husband to see how much they both have cares for me and loved me the way a man is supposed to and neither of them would think of ever lifting a finger to hurt me. I feel like a crazy woman posting all this to complete strangers but God must have led me here for a reason. I had been sitting here asking the Lord to please send me something some way to help me just get through tonight. And then I’ll work on getting through the day. I have felt really mad today that I can’t give up because my son needs his mom. I don’t feel like it’s fair. My husband was supposed to take care of us and he checked on out on us leaving me here and I have no option to do that or escape because this child needs me and as much as hes my world I’m his world,.

    • Also praying for you today Marisa.

    • Praying for you!

    • Me too Marissa. I am sad and beyond tired…God please please help me and hear my/our cry. This thing with my health, this sinus infection that just isn’t letting up, please set me free and bring me out of this dark, unknown place. Please help me. Be mighty to save in my life. Please. Amen. I ask for your prayers please. Thank you.

    • Linda Sue says:

      Marisa, hugs Psalm 23. Cling to David’s words

    • Amother says:

      I have a daughter, Marisa, whom I love with all my heart. Sweetheart, you are loved so much by our Father, I pray for your comfort and guidance as you work through your trials. I have to say this…I love you, Please smile!

  4. Paula Blake says:

    The timing of this is god ordained….thanks. I know things will get better, in time . Need strength for today and hope for tomorrow

  5. Thank you for sharing this. I feel as if though I read this at the perfect time. I had these exact thoughts earlier today. I thought what if one day i just breakdown what will become of me, my children, my husband? Could I ever be normal again? Will I ever be normal again. I had a very stressful day today. I suffer from anxiety.I cant drive like i used to especially evenings or nights. I feel like it’s taking control of my life. Just like your story says I’m holding it together on the outside, but I’m falling apart on the inside. So full of fear and worry and doubt. I go to church and pray, but maybe not enough? Sometimes I don’t know if it’s the enemy attacking or if I’m just so full of fear it causes me to doubt everything. Your story gave me a sense of peace while I read it. It helped remind me that I don’t have to live like this. My rescuer is waiting to rescue me. He loves me more than I could ever understand. I said your prayer and I will continue praying myself. I just ask that you pray for me as well, for healing and peace and understanding. Please. Thank you very much.

    • Elsa you will be in my prayers. May all the anxiety, fear and worry be released in the name of Jesus. The article touch a nerve with me as well especially when she said worrying became an addiction. It’s so eady to let fesr and worry take over but we can overcome it!

    • Elsa, I am praying for you today. As I read your comments, I was reminded of Jeremiah 33:3 which says, “Call to Me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know.” God has all the answers you’re looking and it is in Him alone that you will find the peace, healing and understanding you long for. He is your Peace in the midst hard places. Trust in Him dear friend. Sweet Blessings, Leah

    • Praying for you!

  6. Thank you so much for sharing this. My job recently has caused me so much stress and anxiety I too thought I might be having a mental breakdown and wondered if I should go to the hospital. I know that God is in control, that He loves me, and that He will never leave me, no matter what else may happen. Prayers appreciated. All you who have left comments before me, I am praying for you.

    • Kara, thank you for sharing your thoughts and praying for others who have already left comments here. I’m praying your job situation and asking God to guide your steps each day as you trust in Him. That He would calm your anxious thoughts and fill you with His soothing peace, as you call out to Him for help and guidance. Sweet Blessings, Leah

    • Praying for you!

  7. Toni Medina says:

    I am plagued by fast. For 4 years now I have been belong panic attacks. At the same time God used then to change my life and my families. Biggest blessing ever but it hurts. I suffer from this daily. I don’t know if the place I’ve come to is giving up… Or acceptance.
    I just don’t try. I know that in this life I will suffer so maybe I should just accept that. Focus on where God leads me but just so fighting and trying to find a way out.
    Prayers please. Thank you and God bless

    • Toni, I’m praying for you today. I used to have panic attacks all the time. Then I learned that a panic attack is the body’s physical response to a negative or toxic thought (thinking). With God’s help I started memorizing Scripture and when the negative thoughts came I would replace them with His Truth. After a while of doing this, the panic attacks went away. Sweet Friend, the enemy wants to steal your joy and convince you to give up but don’t listen. Jesus came so that you could have life, ABUNDANT life. Stand strong in Him. He is there for you. Blessings, Leah

    • Praying for you!

  8. Toni Medina says:

    I am plagued by fear. For 4 years now I have been battling panic attacks. At the same time God used them to change my life and my families. Biggest blessing ever but it hurts. I suffer from this daily. I don’t know if the place I’ve come to is me giving up… Or acceptance.
    I just don’t try. I know that in this life I will suffer so maybe I should just accept that. Focus on where God leads me but just stop fighting and trying to find a way out.
    Prayers please. Thank you and God bless

  9. The only difference between this story and my life right now is I’m single, autistic, and was admitted into the crisis stabilization psychiatric intensive care unit just before Xmas for an interrupted suicide attempt. It’s the second time I’ve been admitted there in the past 18 months (for the same reason). Every day is a struggle to survive and keep going, even though most of the time I don’t want to. Thanks for posting this.

    • Sara, Don’t give up! Life is too precious, no matter how much despair we feel.
      Put all your trust in the Lord and get the professional help you need to recover. Before He formed you in the womb, He knew you. The Lord loves you. You are not alone.

    • Sara. Although we have never met, I am sure God put you on this earth for a reason. Don’t give up ever! Fear, depression, anxiety, don’t come from The Lord. Those feelings come from Satan. Satan loves that you feel these things. Don’t believe his lies. Your precious and the world needs you. Keep reaching out and let others help you through this rough patch. A rough patch. That’s all it is. This too shall pass. Ask God to protect you from Satan and his lies. He is with you and will help you through this tough time. I am praying for you! Big hugs! Tracy

      • Fear, depression and anxiety can be a chemical imbalance, please seek out help from a medical professional that you trust. I have anxiety and I suffered and prayed for years, and I believe God led me to my pastor who led me to the therapist who led me to the Psychologist who gave me the correct medicine to make me feel like myself again.

    • Sara, I am praying for you today and love how Deana, Momof3 and Lori are encouraging you to keep going and not give up. I echo their words and want give you a Bible verse that I pray will be engraved on your heart and mind today.
      “For the Lord your God is with you. He is your mighty savior. He will take great delight in you with gladness. With his love, he will calm all your fears.He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

    • Sara- this is for you…Life is not easy- but you have a purpose. Do NOT let the destroyer tell you differently- it is a lie. Stay strong.

      Come to Me for rest and refreshment. The journey has been too much for you, and you are bone-weary. Do not be ashamed of your exhaustion. Instead, see it as an opportunity for Me to take charge of your life.
      Remember that I can fit everything into a pattern for good, including the things you wish were different. Start with where you are at this point in time and space, accepting that this is where I intend you to be. You will get through today one step, one moment at a time. Your main responsibility is to remain attentive to Me, letting Me guide you through the many choices along your pathway.
      This sounds like an easy assignment, but it is not. Your desire to live in My Presence goes against the grain of “the world, the flesh, and the devil.” Much of your weariness results from your constant battle against these opponents. However, you are on the path of My choosing, so do not give up! Hope in Me, for you will again praise Me for the help of My Presence.
      Romans 8:28

      I will keep you in my prayers.

    • Praying for you!

  10. God is amazing! I’m so thankful for this ministry and how God uses these amazing ladies to speak to me. I had no idea my worry could be considered an addiction. As I’m going through a personal issue seems all I do is worry…but tonight I’m crying out for help and giving it to Jesus.

  11. Wow. I can sure relate. Thank you for sharing, although I don’t want anyone to feel the way I have been, it’s comforting to know, I’m not the only stressed out/at the end of my rope. It’s a hard place to be in, but I know God is my Strength, my Comforter, and the only one who can give true peace!

  12. Dear Heavenly Father, Thanks for protecting me and my incredible husband, Ron Smith from anything that could harm us. I know that we’re going to go through challenges in our m…arriage, and sometimes the challenge seem too big to handle on my own. Thanks for helping me to remain strong, not giving up when things seem like they’re overwhelming and stressing me completely out. You’re an aweome God, and I thank you for being there for me. I pray all this in your wonderful and admirable name. Amen. “The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry for help … The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, and delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:15-18 (HCSB)
    God hears our cries of help in times of trouble. We don’t need to attempt to hide the fact that we’re broken. God can somehow see right through our hearts. He knows just how to pick us up when we may be down. God’s ♥ pulls us through any challenges that may be hindering our happiness.
    My husband nearly gave up back in 2011. He’d gone through a bad relationship and divorce. After that happened, his cousin got him to try synthetic marijuana. This happened while they were laying a new floor in his aunt’s house. Ultimately, he didn’t like what it was doing to him. He lay on the floor, praying to God to help him. God showed him a vision of my face, telling him to come to get me. The Mary Bryant Home kept popping its website on his computer, and Ron was wondering what it meant. Finally, he figured out its meaning- he had to come to Springfield, Illinos to be with me, no matter if is aunt didn’t approve of his decision. I had been Ron’s rescuer, and he didn’t realize it right away- untill after he and I had finally talked about his dreams and visions.
    “The eyes of the LORD are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their cry for help … the righteous cry out, and the LORD hears, and delivers them from all their troubles. The LORD is near the brokenhearted; He saves those crushed in spirit” (Psalm 34:15-18).
    Ron cried out to God, and He rescued him from the trouble thathe wasin. Had Ron not obeyedthedreams and visions, he probably wouldn’tbe around today. I’m soglad thatGod was able to get his attention. I ♥ how God can get us to change our life by giving us signs of things that we may not be able to understand rght away.
    God sees just where we are in our faith. He opens up doors of opportunity for new situations to happen. When Satan wants us in darkness, God blocks his path to us, pulling us toward righteousness and happiness. Now, Ron seems to smile all the time. I ♥ his happiness and laugh becaue it make me happy. “Dear Lord, it feels like my life is falling part. I desperately need You to rescue me. Thank You for hearing my cries and for delivering me from my troubles. Even when I am hidden from others, You see me, Lord. Thank You saving me. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.”~Leah DiPascal
    No matter how you pray to God, He still hears you. Language barriers don’t mean anything when it comes to communicating with God. He can hear us even if we’re not talking to Him out loud. I enjoy communicating with God by listening to His truths through the inspirational music of WCIC. Nothing could be better than that. God’s everywhere, and we don’t have to venture out of our homes to go looking for Him. His presence is all around us. Zephaniah 3:17, “The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” (NIV 1984 God’s goodness is all around us. Loving others is what God wants us to do. There may be others who may be facing similar situations that you are, and we can be a blessing to them by encouraging them with our kind words.See More

    • Nico, thank you for being so honest and sharing the struggles you and your husband, Ron have encountered over the last several years. I pray that the words of Zephaniah 3:17 and Psalms 34:15-18 bring healing to your soul and strength to your body. I’m so thankful Jesus knows all the answers so that we don’t have to. As we put our trust in Him, He promises to make our rough paths smooth. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  13. LeQuita Jones says:

    This is sure something I address this very thing in another blog. All i can say really God this is something. I just came out the hospital thinking this last week. Hmmm Lord have mercy on me, on us.

  14. Spirit crushed-check
    Broken hearted-check
    Tried everything-check
    Can’t keep this up-check
    God , my only hope and I’m barely hanging on.

    • Don’t give up, Cristy. God is always there, even when you cannot feel Him. He will not leave you or forsake you. Praying for you tonight.

    • Cling to GOD,stay in His Word, and He will hide you in the shadows of his wings .

      Psalms 17:6-8 KJV

      I have called upon thee, for thou wilt hear me, O God: incline thine ear unto me, and hear my speech. Shew thy marvellous lovingkindness, O thou that savest by thy right hand them which put their trust in thee from those that rise up against them. Keep me as the apple of the eye, hide me under the shadow of thy wings,

    • Cristy, I can say that I have been where you are more than once. Tell Jesus what is on your heart. I’ll be praying for you. Carol

  15. I did fall completely apart.I was a practicing christian ,completely involved in church and always reading my Bible begging God to make me more like Him. On the outside I was the perfect christain. Inside I was nothing what I was professing.NOTING. So God gave me what what I aked for. HE put in a position to wear I could not get throgh a hour without using His Word. He tore me completely apart.I would beg for Him to hjust take me home. It took a long ,painful, 7 years. Too much to put on here. But he cut and pruned me. He healed places that was broken that never healed.He taught me how to use the weapon of the Word to fight my battles.And I am coming to a place of peace I NEVER that I could experience. God had to taer me aprt to put it back together again. I am far from finished.But my healing was worthit. I call those year clinging to the cross. I had NO other choice.

  16. I still have a long way to go. but I am no longer feel afraid. I am experienceing a peace that only can come from God. And my whole perspective on life has changed. I am now capable of loving people. Because God showed me how much he loved me. I now look forward to the journey that we will take together and I will always depend on his word and not the circumstances that surround me. Cling to God’s Word and His promises.

  17. HE will turn your mourning into dancing! You WILL laugh ,instead of crying, for HE is the lifter up of your head! Don’t give up!
    HE did it for me, HE will do it for YOU! Thank YOU Lord for bringing your daughters and sons out of the pit! We love You!

    Psalms 30:1-12 KJV

    I will extol thee, O Lord ; for thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me. O Lord my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me. O Lord , thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit. Sing unto the Lord , O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness. For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning. And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved. Lord , by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled. I cried to thee, O Lord ; and unto the Lord I made supplication. What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth? Hear, O Lord , and have mercy upon me: Lord , be thou my helper. Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness; To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O Lord my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

    • Jessica, thank you for such encouraging words and for posting Psalm 30:1-12 in your comments. I know it will be a source of strength and hope for many women today. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  18. Jessica Reed says:

    What a joy to see you! Hits very close to home! Walls are closing in but IK my God. Been putting His armor on everyday! Ty for this message!
    Honored to know u 🙂

  19. Gretchen Weaver says:

    Incredible sharing on here and I’m so thankful and grateful for all of the encouragement. Leah, thank you for sharing your heart with us. I’m new to your blog and devotions website. I’m looking forward to reading more everyday. My life is similar to yours Leah, how you described the worry and anxiety and how it cripples us if we don’t surrender it to God everyday. I have a testimnoy I would love to share in the future. God saved and reconciled my marriage of 22 years after my husband and I stood in a divorce courtroom hearing a human judge tell us we had 10 months and our divorce would be final. God had other plans, His. We were reconciled 2 months later, and now 5 years later, we are amazed at the miracles God has given us to glorify Him with. Have been through alot of health problesm and 3 major surgeries in 5 years, but God has renewed our hearts and minds and our first love for Him along the way. We had a tragic accident in 2005 that changed our lives forever.But God used it to get our complete attentionto show us our hypocrisiy and set in sin. Will share more as it is late here in Calif. Praying for all of you here and please pray for me as I look for the job the Lord has for me. Going back to work after knee replacement surgery 4 months ago, but need part time less stressful work than what I was doing before. I know God has the right job for me in His time and will. Blessings!

    • Hi Gretchen, thank you being so transparent in sharing your personal stories, especially about God’s restoration of your marriage. I know it will be a source of hope to so many women who are struggling in their own marriages right now. I’m praying for you today, asking God to open doors that only He can open and provide a job that is perfect for you. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  20. Oh my!! God always puts the right posts for me on this website. Several months ago, I was on my way to swallowing a bottle of pain pills. I was actually on a retreat with my church. At one point on that Saturday night, I heard…three times…the Lord telling me…three times…to give the pills to my Pastor. After that point, my Pastor helped me to find a Christian therapist. And now my marriage is falling apart…after 22 1/2 years. The Lord lead my husband to FINALLY agree to marriage counseling. And the Lord lead us to a Christian therapist. Yes…I am in turmoil. I am feeling overwhelmed. But I know my God will help me through…

    • Joan, I’m praying for your marriage today – asking God to heal the wounds of your marriage and restore the broken places in your heart. I’m so glad you’ve found a Christian therapist that can help you and your husband through this difficult time. Stay strong and stay in the Word. Jesus will meet you within the pages of Scripture and guide you and your husband one step at a time. Sweet Blessings, Leah

    • I a, praying for you.

  21. Thanks for sharing your testimony, for your encouragement and transparency. Sometimes, in fact a lot of times, it is hard to put aside my worry and to fully trust God. It is amazing, however, when I look back to see what the Lord has done I see that He is control of every detail and that He wants the best for me and my family. Thanks for your encouragement.

  22. Nine years ago, I could have written this almost word-for-word. I had been the Bible study teacher, the one everyone went to for a word of wisdom and advice. I was the one everyone else looked to for answers – and I had answers – for everyone but me. I crashed, hard, and thought I would never be the same again. I could literally hear the enemy laughing over me. I abandoned the call that God had placed over me, and the only reason I didn’t check out of life completely was because I didn’t want my son to face that hell and pain. It was a two year battle to see any light at all in that pit, and while I am not all the way out, I know God is helping me find the surface again. The past two years have been very difficult for me, as changes at my job have made what once was a ministry (I have been a church secretary for 18 years), into a place of misery and discouragement. I have started to once again pursue the call of God, and am taking seminary classes and writing and teaching again, but my job is making it so hard, and the new pastor is making my life miserable. I have been in a deep depression, and in the last three months I have again found myself back in that pit of panic attacks and racing heart and thoughts of despair and hopelessness because of my job. I have been wrestling with whether to leave my job or to quit school, because I can’t do both and I feel that the call of God on my life is to be my priority, but I don’t know how my family will survive on only one paycheck. I would appreciate prayers for wisdom and guidance in this decision.

  23. Thank you for sharing your story Leah. I’m a ‘rescued one’ too. Over 40 years ago I sat in my house with the curtains drawn, smoking cigarettes, drinking coffee and reading Harlequin Romance books by the armload. I had become a believer as a child but had walked away as a teenager. God sent my cousin Joan to minister His love to me and brought me back to the fold. Today, I have a vibrant ministry and am privileged to be used of God to ‘rescue’ others who for whatever reason cannot reach the Father on their own. God is good!

    • Judy, thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m so grateful that God took what the enemy meant for your harm and created a beautiful, vibrant ministry out of it. Thank you for helping us who are struggling. Blessings, Leah

  24. Gillie Ruth says:

    This is just so me I can’t believe it! I won’t go into nt circumstances, but i am at the point of having to see a psychiatrist to have my medication endorsed after changes to its a availability. I railed against this at first, but if I need to do this, because this medication has to come off very carefully, I believe I will gain freedom from much distress through the Lord. I may well be allowed to stay on it because of related health problems, but I have been greatly relieved of fear of the outcome by seeking the Lord, and trusting He won’t allow me to be treated carelessly by the psych. A Christian would have been wonderful, but I will go where I’m lead. This is hard, because I have finally been able to go back to work this year, and have to trust this won’t affect my job. We are middle aged and broke, so I just hand it over, and praise, and pray. It’s not ray. But He is with me. I would value prayer.

    • Praying for you!

    • Gillie,
      Has anyone shared with you that taking medication for emotional stability is not unlike someone taking medication for diabetes?
      I had an aunt who was diabetic. NO one would have ever considered taking her medication, nor would she be judged for taking insulin.
      I’ve been taking Wellbutrin, or something similar for over 17 years. I don’t expect to discontinue its use for the rest of my life. This is what my brain / body needs to be stable.
      Mental anguish as a Christian has to be one of thee hardest things to deal with…. it’s very misunderstood. Prayer is powerful, and reading the Bible, being in fellowship, worshiping, all of it… is VITAL! But, sometimes it’s not enough and God allows us to find help from people in the medical profession.
      May the Lord bless you with peace, deep within, and may the medication be right for you… that you can know real joy and PEACE in your day to day life.
      Medication has not made my life perfect— far from it. But, it has enabled me to cope… and I am better able to receive prayer, pray myself… read God’s word, and even have ears to hear what HE has to say to me directly within my own heart. He has proved SO faithful to me.
      HOLD on to the TRUTH! God is good! And, there’s NOTHING you can do to increase or lessen HIS LOVE for you!!!!
      May HE give you the courage you need for your unique circumstances and may HE give you people who really love and accept you just as you are– warts and all. Oh, how we need those kinds of people in our life.

      • Gillie Ruth says:

        Thanks Angela, your are right, I am diabetic and take meds for that! The reason I might be taken off my meds is that our health dept has made it very hard to get as some people use it as a party drug with alcohol and there have been problems with this. I expected to stay on it for good as I’ve been trialebd on most most other meds amd react badly to them. Coming of this med takes months, amd if I do, there if nothing I van take, so I am takeng what I have very carefully and praying a lot about the quality treatment I receive from the psych I have an appt to see. You see what so many don’t. I do have a great support group, but how you worded things is so good. Thankyou and God bless.

    • Gillie, you are a wise, beautiful woman with a wonderful spirit who has ministered to me on these posts –and I have thanked my God for you!

      I pray God will provide for you by giving you the medicine you need, whether it’s the current one or another of HIS choosing. I pray for your success at your job. I ask the Lord for wise counsel and caring from your physician. I ask Him to hold you in His everlasting arms and bring you peace and every blessing that He can shower on you.

      • Gillie Ruth says:

        hi Anne, I remember our sharing. I’m so glad te be of help to you, and so grateful you also took time to reply. I value your lovely comments and knowing you are praying for me. The support we can give and receive on this site is wonderful. Counsel for the doctor, and His everlasting arms…how wonderfully put, I’m crying now because I feel His presence and the care of others on this site. Bless you.

        • Gillie Ruth says:

          Hi Anne, well I went to the psychiatrist, and he was very helpful and accepting. I do have to lower my dose of meds, but he will guide me through that. I will still be allowed a smaller amount of meds for bad days, but he wants me to see a psychologist for relaxation etc. I know God ha been with me although this last week of waiting was awful. I am going to ask The Lord to guide me to a Christian for this. I have to do this to show the health people I’m trying other things than just meds, which could be where I’m meant to be. I believe I’m being led to deal with a few issues, such as grief, through tis process. I’m so relieved that everything turned out just as you prayed, thankyou so much for caring, and thanks to Jesus for His love and care. I have quite a journey ahead of me, but it will be much better than I had hoped. The psych says I will come down in dose so slowly, my body won’t notice, that sounds good to me. Bless you dear friend!

  25. I often feel an overwhelming worry and anxiety over my kids. I constantly worry about they decisions they MIGHT make, the influences that COULD happen, the friends they might make…it’s a constant battle, and sometimes I don’t feel like I can overcome the anxiety. I can relate to the knot in your stomach feeling! Thanks for sharing this–it’ll be one I refer to again and again!

    • I hang on way to tight to my kids. I worry so much about there decisions and reactions. I pray to let go and let God. I so want to swoop in, rescue them, and fix things for them.

  26. Thanks for this. I have been struggling with my husband’s health issues. He is 28 and is struggling with high blood pressure and kidney disease. I know that God will heal him but I still struggle with the worst case happening. I love my husband and I know God sent him just for me. I am terrified of something happening to him. The worry has consumed my every thought. I just pray that God will touch his body and heal him as well as take this stress and worry away from me. We have a one year old daughter Claire and I want him to be around for a long time so see her grow up and I know he does too. Just please pray for healing. Praise God!!!!

  27. Only with honesty can we all heal. Thank you for your honesty and courage. God is god, and He IS our deliverer!

  28. I do not feel that going to the hospital for help for a mental problem is “giving up”. Mental disease is very real and some people do need therapy and medication along with prayer to get better. It doesn’t make one a bad Christian to seek out help from a medical professional.

    • Right on. When I hospitalized myself— almost 17 years ago— I realized that it’s the “smart/ honest” people who get help. It’s hard work to get such help and do the work required.

  29. Thank you. Sometimes you need to know you aren’t alone.

  30. wow! this hit home with me. it always amazes me how God uses his people to bring us hope, comfort and encouragement. My adult daughter who was born with epilepsy and learning disabilities and an inoperable brain cyst that causes extreme aggression and violent behavior was recently institutionalized. we are still reeling from my husband’s lung cancer surgery last year and the fear that it could come back. on top of that, I was teaching in a low income, inner city school. the job stress was unbearable. it was my eighteenth year and I had reached my limit. I did not seek help. kept putting it off. by the time I got help, it was too late. I could not bring myself to go into work! After several days of fasting and prayer, I decided to retire from my job. With God’s help, supportive friends and family, I am slowly beginning to heal. three days now and I have not woke up crying. share your stories. we all need to hear them!

    • May God truly bless you and your family Ruth. My mommy had a similar experience with her job situation where it had been treacherous for a while and one day she’d had enough and the next day took early retirement/ never looking back….God was with her and it proved to be a wise decision. May God bless you, your daughter and husband a lot.

  31. It is a amazing how God knows exactly what I need each day-especially with the Proverbs 31 devotions. Then why can I not trust him with those needs? I too have been experiencing the exact description (except the ER) of your situation in today’s devotion. Yesterday I realized that I can choose to wallow in the mire and continue in my anxiety filled life or I can trust God with the details and be joyful for the blessings that God provides to me everyday. Remembering my journey of 7 years to have a child, trying to make it happen myself and then giving it to God for him to anser me with the blessing of twins-a boy and a girl (awesome Christian 16 yr olds), I have decided to trust God with this mess. He always blesses us abundantly. It won’t be easy for this Type A, controlling and independent female, but He will make me stronger because “..I am precious and honored in His sight and HE Loves ME” (Isaiah). We are children of THE KING-let’s live that way and be JOYFUL. Have a beautiful day.

  32. Thank You sooo much for this devotion. It was so on time. God knows what we need when we need it. I had a melt down last night and as I drove to work this morning crying I had to call out to the Lord and ask him to help me, I cannot do this alone…My thoughts were that I felt like everything all around was crushing me, the finances, the job, family situation – I just want to crawl under the covers and forget about everything…so I eventually wiped the tears and came in to work and found this devotion, topic The Day I Almost Gave Up, caught my eye, because that’s exactly what I was doing, giving up…this devotion comforts me and I will read it whenever I feel overwhelmed…Thank You, God has placed you in our lives for such a time as this!

    • Karen, thank you for sharing how God used this devotion to comfort you in a time of great need. I’m praying for you today, asking God to assure you of His love and nearness when life’s circumstances become overwhelming. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  33. Thank you for this devotion and the wonderful verses that accompany. I am on the brink of giving up myself. My marriage is falling to pieces around my feet. After 4 1/2 years, my husband has developed some serious mental health issues and I suffer constant emotional abuse. He won’t seek help, and I don’t know how much longer I can stay together. I feel defeated every day, usually before I even leave for work there’s a melt down in our house. I’ve started feeling bitter toward God as this was not the marriage I envisioned. My mother-in-law says I should go to counseling and that would help me be a better wife, but I feel like I can only change so much and endure so much of the negativity that is in our home. I feel like I’m drowning… 🙁 Thank you for reminding me that my God is bigger than the current circumstances I’m facing. He is Sovereign and he hears my cries for help. In his perfect timing there will be healing and maybe even restoration of my broken marriage.

    • Yes there will be Sarah. May God bless and heal and deliver your family and your weary heart. Blessings to you dearly.

    • Sarah,
      Your mother-in-law may have her heart in the right place, but please know that you are being the best wife you know how right now and trying to put pressure on you to be “better” is not going to fix your husband. Marriage was never meant to be the means by which we are fulfilled and made complete. That is a myth perpetuated by Hallmark cards and Valentines Day romance. It is only in God we are fulfilled. He wants to meet your every need. If not through your husband, then He will do it through other means. Friends, family, chances for you to minister to others, church. Know for sure that He is there, He is reaching out to you. I’m praying that He gives you eyes to see His provision, His love, His healing and His comfort wherever and however He chooses to send it to you.

  34. I truly cant beleive the timing of these devotions – todays devotion was me 3 weeks ago – I had a melt down, a full blwon anxiety/panic attack that seem to come out of no where and ended up in the ER, I have a great stres free life -why in the world would I be anxious or stressed about anything? but now looking back obviously I was over the little things going on in my life – I am so blessed to have friends and a employer that understood I needed a few days off to get a grip on what was happening. In all that time even tho I couldnt feel, hear or see God, I knew HE was there and hung on to that promise, and looking back now, it was then that He carried me.
    Thank you Leah so much for sharing this – It helps to know that other people other go through these trials as well.

    • Jodina, I’m so sorry to hear that you were in the ER three weeks ago. Anxiety certainly can have a tremendous impact on our health and physical bodies. I’m glad to hear you’re doing better and that you can look back on the experience and know that God was carrying you the entire time. Thank you for sharing! Blessings, Leah

  35. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Just another reason why we as women need to support and encourage one another in daily regular mundane activities. It doesn’t matter if we are stay at home or working mommas, if we breast or bottle feed, if we are married or single, etc. We all need to step up and be that support to someone hurting. This verse has been such a wonderful help to me in times like those described above, I pray it helps others reading this also:
    Psalm 27:13 (NASB)
    13 I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord
    In the land of the living.

    • Yes, how we need each other, as women. Having good fellowship with women/ honest fellowship— is of utmost importance… the kind of fellowship that goes beyond the picture perfect scene of Bible Study and prayer and keeping the peace. Sometimes sharing as women we’ve got to let our hair down, and get to the bottom line mud and mire kind of things. It’s time the church be a SAFE haven, not a boxed up mod podge of people trying to make it on their own. There’s one LONELY that’s worse than others, and that’s when we’re in a room with people who say they love us, but don’t really know that we’re really dying on the inside.

  36. I would appreciate prayers too. This is exactly how I feel and the worst part is I feel zero hope. It is so hard to pretend when you are dying inside. I will pray for everyone here as well. Thank you.

    • Sue, please know that I am praying for you. I remember feeling that sense of hopelessness and it is the worst feeling in the world. Romans 15:13 came to mine while I was reading your comments. I’m praying this Scripture verse on your behalf, asking God comfort you and return joy and hope to your heart.
      May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

  37. Thank you for this message! Prior to pulling up the website to read the daily devotion, I was feeling totally at wit’s end! A spirit of fear consumes most of my day – anxiety over my marriage, stress over finances, craziness at my job. I cry out to Jesus and cast my cares upon him, BUT then I take them back ……. trying to fix them myself. I know it doesn’t say much for me, but I will keep on trusting and I will keep on casting, and I will keep on praying. Thank you again!!!

  38. WOW, this is right on time. God always leads us to what we need. Lots of good scripture above to refer to. I’ve been at my wit’s end for the last few days, and we say we want to just quit…but what does THAT mean??? Somehow God refills my cup and I’m able to keep going…until things change…

  39. How Faithful is our Lord, He does know how I feel! This week my mom passed away unexpectedly and my heart is broken and there are so many things that are happening in my life right now I don’t know how to cope with them. But one thing I’m sure is that He loves me! He allow me to come and be here for my mom’s passing and I got to be here with her. That is great gift to me. I’m just trusting Him for the healing.

    • Alejandra, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your mom. My mom passed two years ago and I still miss her so much. Allow yourself to grieve sweet friend and know that God draws near to the brokenhearted. Your tears are not wasted for he bottles each one of them. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  40. Hmmmm, am 32 years old and have gone through the worst years of my life, being a worrier and an introvert doesnt help, and am soo glad to know there are others undergoing the same trials. Learning to trust God when most of the times I just ask Him to take my life since am not bold enough to take my own. If He could just let me go and rest… I would be sooo glad. Having a chronic genetic illness that predisposes me to fatigue and chronic body pain and anemia doesnt help at all. Life is so empty and meaningless, I do not have the motivation to do anything, I work in the building industry which is basically demanding and gruesome and soo against my gentle nature and I have quit like 5 jobs already just like that, but I must pay my bills and so I look for another job. My family life is empty, cant reach out to anyone there for help, I have learnt that I have got to fend for myself, and God is the only constant. Dont know if I will get a mature husband who will love me and stay with me with this unpredictable illness. Its soo lonely at times I wonder if anybody understands. I know God does, but I hunger for understanding friends, fellow human beings who can be there when the going gets tough, who will empathise, or I amy asking too much? Am I rejecting Gods help by seeking human contact, but its soo lonely…

    Let me pray…its the sabbath, He is all ears.

    Thank you for sharing…all.

    • Joy, People with a gentle and quiet nature tend to have a very special gift of compassion and empathy for others. They also tend to be very sensitive. This is a gift from God for it allows you to see and understand the pain you sense in people around you. He wants to minister to those hurting people through you and as He does so, your life will be filled with Him. I pray that you will find a vocation where your gifts can manifest so your joy can be refreshed and that emptiness can be filled.

  41. I hope to encourage anyone dealing with guilt, shame, and condemnation. Thank you, Leah, for sharing.

    I could have written this almost word for word a few months ago–just replace ER with walk-in clinic because I had no insurance. I dealt with massive panic attacks that lasted days and even weeks on end. Medication did not work. I had known “of” God and even professed to be Christian for my entire life, but God showed me while I was down in that pit of panic, stress, depression, and OCD symptoms that I had never LIVED as a Christ-follower. I dealt with massive guilt, shame, and condemnation because of the choices I had made.
    I rarely slept and rarely ate–if the LORD had not miraculously rescued me from it, I quite literally may have died. It was not an instant miracle as I had hoped, either, but it began with heartfelt prayer of giving my life to God, and a prayer group with dear friends, and that very night I actually got a full night’s sleep. Praise God, our Rescuing King.

    God has since worked a complete turnaround in my life. I have let go of my ugly old self, and the stress of constantly trying to appear perfect. I’ve found that the ragged, hurting piece that was missing from my heart (you know, the one you try to fill with attention from others, money, food, and other distractions) was the spot that God is supposed to fill with His love (if we let Him.) I have hope and I am excited about every single new day, about getting to know my Rescuer more and more.

    I had help. I have a great church family, who has never once judged me. I go to a prayer group each week, and I visited a Christian counselor several times. I found that was unnecessary, because God chose to work on me before I went, but I would highly recommend trying it because everyone is different. She had some great insights for moving forward, as well.

    If you’re dealing with extreme guilt, I strongly recommend visiting http://www.net-burst.net/search.htm#subject and clicking on Guilt or whatever subject your heart is grieving over. I am not affiliated with that site in any way; I just found it incredibly encouraging.

    Thank you very much for reading and thanks again to Leah for sharing her story. I plan to check out her blog!

    • Abbie, thank you for sharing your story. It’s beautiful to read how God rescued and restored you. How He brought people into your life to help and pray with you. I”m so happy to hear that your days are filled with excitement and joy as you grow in knowing God more. Your story is an inspiration for others. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  42. My husband is my best friend at times he drives me crazy, But I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  43. I am feeling all of what you wrote. My husband has a part-time job due to him being layed off 8 months ago for the second time in 2 years. I have a part-time job that I have been told soon my posision will be gone. In that last 3 1/2 years my youngest daught has fought cancer 2 times ( first tumor in 2010- 2011 nad second tumor 01/2013 to 7/2013). The Lord healed her and she is revoering now. She is graduating from 8th grade this year. It is a cancer that can come back. She almost lost her arm. My 20 year old daughter moved out at 18 and has just made one bad dicion after another. My mother-law has lived with us for 5 1/2 years and is now moving out of state. My youngest is very close to her dues to her living with us through 2 rounds of cancer. We can’t afford the house we are in without her. We are hoping to down size but we first have to have enough $ for a deposit. My middle daughter is graduating from High School and wants to go into the Army to become a nurse. That means 2 graduation pictures, dresses ect. We are trying to keep our State covered Health insurance and food stamps. My youngest has to have 3 types of XRays and 2 Doctor appts every 3 months for the cancer. I have chronic pain daily due to a hysterectomy gone wrong in the month before 9-11. I am on lots of medicine. My Doctor does not want me to work but we cant survive with out my income. I just received new Boss in October 2013. His expectations are very different then the Boss I had worked for a total of 9 years. I feel like I am on a interview every day. Please pray for my family. Thank you for yur story.

    • Pray that you find the hope, help and outcomes you need and desire. Stay with the lord in all matters.

    • Dear Ange, I’m so sorry to hear all that your family is going through. I’m praying for each of you today, asking God for complete healing for your daughter, a new job for your husband, and peace for you in your existing job. Also, for your oldest daughter and mother-in-law who are now living on their own. Trust Him sweet sister and know that God hears your prayers and promises to meet your needs. Blessings, Leah

  44. I’m experiencing something very similar in my life right now. I’ve had to be the strong one for so long that I don’t know how to turn it off. I’m tired. I need help. I fee like I’m falling and no one cares for my soul. I’m praying but I just want to go away a lick my wounds…alone. Thank you for posting something I could have written verbatim. Please pray for me.

    • Renee, I am praying for you sweet friend. Cast your cares upon the Lord for He cares for you and is strong enough to carry your burdens. You were not designed to carry them alone but give them over to the One who can. Blessings, Leah

  45. I am feeling exactly what you described. I am feeling so lost and confused. Four years ago, after trying so hard to handle and control so many aspects of my world and the people in, I crashed. God put me in a position that I needed His intensive care to learn long hard lessons on control, fear, surrendering and bending the knee to His will, not my own. Oh, the relief of knowing God would take care of me and those whom I care about the most. After whole year, God brought a special someone into our lives. I KNEW it was a gift straight from Him. The hardest part of the comment that I am writing is that I let it happen again. I became complacent and quit surrendering this area of my life to God as I ought. I kind of had an inkling that I was hanging on too tight to things/ relationships but since I was so much better than I used to be, I didn’t worry too much. As irrational as it sounds, I feel God took away this someone, plus the hopes and dreams that went with it, this very precious person to me and my loved ones, because of me. ( believe me I hear the I,I, I, in this comment and beat myself up for the selfish heart I have) The guilt and responsibility I feel is overwhelming as it impacts the ones I love the most. When certain things were going well in certain aspects of our life I felt calm and ok. If these same aspects were shaky or painful I felt terrible. I hung way to much of my security on the wrong things. Not on my Father. Oh the bargaining, pleading and apologizing I have been doing! I would love a do-over. I would do so many things differently. I would completely surrender and put my hope and joy and pain on God. If anyone has anything to offer so say, i am open. Thank you for reading.

    • I have nothing to offer but my prayers, Colleen, and to say that guilt and shame were nailed to the cross of Christ. I toot have become complacent and for way too long have been my own pilot. I pray both of us will be able to yield daily to His healing, His hope and His comfort and leading.

    • Colleen,
      You are taking so much on yourself! You cannot be perfect. You simply cannot be good enough to meet God’s criteria of good. If that were possible, Jesus would not have needed to die on the cross for us. God is not out to punish you by taking precious people out of your life. You are being lied to by the father of lies. We all have selfish hearts, God knows that and yet He still chooses to delight in us (Isaiah 62:4) because that is His character. He is love. He is incapable of NOT loving us. It has nothing to do with us or what we do or what we deserve. He loves us because that is His nature. It’s like hot fudge. It doesn’t taste sweet to good people and sour to bad people. It’s taste isn’t dependent upon us. It’s nature is to be sweet so no matter who tastes it, it is sweet. God’s nature is love, no matter who comes to Him, we all get love. He will never love you more than He does right now. You get it all, 100% right now, no matter what you’ve done or not done.

  46. Elizabeth says:

    All I can say is Thank You God for hearing my cries all the time. Awesome God and He Reigns. Thank you Leah for an awesome devotion and testimony. I feel like I’m an easy target, I’m starting to give up. Finances, job, husband and my family are all my main stress points.I feel so beat up and how can every moment 4441 I felt like I have nothing more and ready to give up. I prayed and prayed and thought God doesn’t hear me now, but thank you Leah for the Confirmation. This is my confirmation right here, God is listening and yes I wanted an instant miracle money falling from the sky so I could pay bills, my boss be nice and stop picking on me and except everything to be perfect, last but not least to set my husband free. I feel like my world is falling apart, and I know I have to be patient and wait on the Lord. He will set me free and make me happy. He has the answer and not holding anything back from Him, giving it all to the Lord. Thank you Thank you Thank you for the encouraging and kind words. I will continue to pray and let Him in control.

  47. Thank you, thank you, thank you. God provides – and he certainly did through your message today. I know Proverbs 31 is focused on Christian ladies, but there sure is a lot here that helps us Christian men as well. God bless you for sharing this – I think most if not all of us reach this point at sometime, and sometimes more than once in our lives. Psalm 31:1-5: In you, Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Keep me free from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; deliver me, Lord, my faithful God.

    • Bryan, thank you for sharing such words of encouragement along with the hope of Psalm 31. Oh, that we would know with absolute confidence that our God saves. He is our rock and our fortress. A very present help in time of need. With Him ALL things are most certainly possible. May God bless you abundantly Bryan. Thank you, Leah DiPascal

  48. This article spoke to my heart. I am carrying a very heavy load and I worry all the time. I know it is not good to worry and pray daily and I know God is in control BUT like you said worry has become an addiction for me. Please pray for me and my family as we had to face a very difficult situation and are in the middle of a storm. Bless you for your honesty, it is exactly what I needed to hear today, more than you know. I thought I was the onlye one who felt like this. Bless you.

    • Sema, I am praying for you and your family today. May you trust God with all your heart and not lean on your own understand but acknowledge Him in all your ways for He will direct you through this difficult situation that you’re currently facing. He is there for you sweet friend. Leah

  49. I am amazed by how God’s timing works. It was only 3 days ago I was driving and had to pull over and just let it out. So much of my life has been leading to this point and the overwhelming emotions, a life of dealing with anxiety and fear have become an addiction for me. My marriage is in great need of restoration. Trust has been broken by my husband, worries of financial difficulties, weight loss due to so much stress. I look anorexic at this point and I feel horrible about myself. My blood pressure is up and I have to be on medication for that. I wonder how much longer I can hold it together. My faith is the only thing that has held me together but even so I feel like I am going to break at any time some days. I am a big believer in the power of prayer and ask that you will pray for me. I so need peace in the midst of all this and to truly believe that God is in control and he has my back. Thanks so much for sharing this. It truly comes at the perfect time for me.

    • AV, I am praying for you today. Praying for your marriage, health, and finances. As women we often try to be everything for everyone. But this kind of striving is unhealthy and creates stress in our lives which robs us of our peace. The Prince of Peace lives within you. Choose to trust Him above all else and believe that He will come through for you and your family. Sweet Blessings, Leah

  50. Kathy Kearns says:

    Thank you.God saved my life Sunday through a string of ‘conveniently placed’ animals and people. He IS my stronghold. He hid me in the shelter of the Rock.Thank you for this verse. He IS mighty to save.

  51. c.makekau says:

    just what i needed to hear today!

  52. This devotional has giving me hope. Thank you for posting. Please pray for me. I’m battling depression, panic attacks, intrusive thoughts for almost two months. I have been having trouble sleeping for weeks. I’m exhausted…. There have been times that I’ve even doubt that He is there. that scared me so much. Thank you for your prayers.

    • I understand, I’m there too. My insomnia has been horrible, a couple hours of sleep a night and so anxious and depressed, not wanting to go on like this. Let me give you one bit of advise that I will also take. Please don’t forget that God loves you. There are moments that I really get this. I mean really really get this and my fears and depression back off considerably. There is something so soothing to my sensitive soul. Also I would like to recommend this blog which I read all the time. http://cornerstonethefoundation.blogspot.com/. This man is such a blessing and describes the torture we go through and how to survive all of the troubling symptoms with the help of Jesus and acceptance. May I also recommend a book that he recommends, Hope and Help for your Nerves by Dr. Claire Weekes. It along with the word and church are what pull me through. I will pray for you!!!! Please pray for me too.

      • Thank you so much for your words and prayers. I actually read your reply before I went to bed yesterday. I had a good sleep. Thank God! it had been a long time.. Its good to know im not the only one going through this. I just need to keep reminding myself that He is in control and He is taking care of me. Blessings. I prayed for you too.

  53. Andrea Stansbury says:

    Wow… I’m there… been there for a while… so many thoughts in my head that I don’t like don’t know where they are coming from or where to turn … I have a dr appointment for the first time in 2 1/2 years next month. God is my strength, and has lead me to make the appointment and keep it and get the help I need… I can talk about it. pray about it eat and exercise they way I should … but it comes down to the fact that I need help out side of myself and my family and friends… I may need to be on meds for a while till my moods stabilize… and you know what THAT IS OK… God made the people that developed the medications, He gave them the skills and the nudges to create these medications to help people that are hurting. To help them to get to a place of healing (whether it be physical or mental healing) I am looking forward to being happy again, all the while working on my now… trying to get better with His help

  54. Just would like to thank you for all this encouragement! I have been feeling worthless for the past few days! I feel broken spiritually, emotionally, physically, and financially. But I know that there is hope.

  55. Thank you for this beautiful devotional. At one point, I was there also, but there is hope and God drew me nearer to Him through my unbearable pain.

  56. Leah, I’ve read this blog post about 50 times today since finding it on my fb timeline at 545 this morning. After a year if slipping farther and.farther into this pit….this awful muddy, sticky, sinking pit. I abandoned God for the last few years after a lifetime of putting God in my.life, and the last few weeks he’s been slowly guiding me, pulling me, callung me back.to him. In this transition ive come across the book a confident heart, proverbs 31 ministries page, and this post. If ever it was needed, it was today. I cant.begin to express the anxiety, fear, depression, disgust, shame, ugliness I have eating at me to the point its all manifested itself in severe physical pain the last few months, exhaustion, and depression. I am currently waiting for dr to pres ribe meds to help with the anxiety and.depression and appt to be made with a counsellor/psychiatrist to talk to. My narriage is on the rocks, ny.children are being pulled into this darkness thats so ugly.
    I just want to say thank you for this blog post. Thank you for showing me theres hope and its ok to ask for help. Asking for prayers as I.continue this transformation into the new thing God is doing in me. I am terrified to do so, but ive been praying for God to show me the hurts and pains from my past thats brought me to all these feelings and fears and lack of hope and.confidence and security regardless of what I KNOW in my heart about what God is and will do and can do in my life. So much distrust, bitterness, unforgiveness, pain, anger, resentment that its consuming my entire life….im screaming on the inside Leah!

    • Praying that God puts your feet on the right path to HIm, and helps you out of his time in the pit of despair to a new day of healing, health and wholeness–there is ALWAYS hope in God.

  57. Thank you. This has been me the last few weeks but HEAVY this week. I have not known what to do or who to turn to. My marriage is broken because of the behavior of my two damaged stepchildren. I never get a break. I am never good enough–always wrong. I am yelled at everyday by children. I want to quit–throw in the towel. But I have no where to go. So tonight I pray that prayer with you and pray God will show himself. Work a miracle. Make me feel loved by HIM which hopefully will allow me to feel love from my husband and for him to give me love again and stop feeling like I have failed my step kids and my own kids…that God will give me a feeling of worth and remove the heavy burden of failure and worthlessness that has parked itself in my home.

  58. Thank you so much for sharing this. I have felt like this a lot and just feel sometimes like I have failed and am not worth anything. I am doing better as I have received help and am still working on myself and working on my relationship with the Lord although it is hard. Sometime I do not know where to begin. I do feel alone in my struggles and that no one would understand if I tried to talk to them about it. Thanks again and may God bless you greatly

  59. Thanks Leah, I really needed to read that today. I am/have been in a similar place, and wondered if I needed to just admit myself somewhere. I lost my job in mid 2012, my father was diagnosed with dementia and Parkinson’s around the same time. I could not find work. I lived in a horrible place for a year, with only my dog, left there for another job which fell apart, and moved back home at Christmas. I have been so tired, so scared, and frightened – anxiety and panic most mornings. My friends and talking to God have been what kept me together, somedays only a stitch at a time. Thanks for your share.

  60. I love the content and intent of the post, but I am a little concerned at the implication that asking for professional help is considered “giving up”. For some that IS the help they need and choosing NOT to get it is “giving up”.

    • Professional help is absolutely the missing ingredient for some Christians. I agree, we need to be open to letting God use who and what HE may… too many suffer for a lifetime because they’ve got God in a box and think He only works “in the church”….
      We separate too much of life as “spiritual” or “flesh”. ALL of life is HOLY! There is help—
      We need to pray that women (men too) have courage to seek out real help— the pretending needs to stop.
      God is all knowing. He can direct our steps (our steering wheels) to get Godly help through very capable, believing doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, psychologists, professional counselors… etc.
      As the courageous take baby steps, they can (we can) ask for wisdom… each inch of the way, to know if the help we’re getting is of God or not….
      I am a walking miracle— plagued by depression all my life ’til I was 40. I am alive and doing well… celebrating 17 years of freedom from fear, anxiety, anger, depression, panic attacks….
      If I can encourage just one to seek the help needed by the professionals… my testimony is worth it!

  61. As a natural born worrier born into a family of worriers, as someone that chews their cud, mulling over what happened, what could have happened, what might happen again in the same circumstances, I can relate to your story. I have found a text that is a blessing for me. Perhaps several, but anyway. “Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace who’s mind is stayed on thee. (Isaiah 26:3) And knowing that God wants me to prosper and be in health, as my soul prospers (3 John 1:2) gives me comfort also. And then this one last text to share: Philippians 4:19, My God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. These texts along with learning to praise him in all things good and bad have turned my life around. I may start to worry, but when I give it to God, the weight rolls off me and onto Him. What a blessing! What a joy! Thanking my Lord because His yoke is easy and His burden is light.

  62. Although I didn’t read all of the comments, I just want to mention that sometimes the support of friends and family aren’t enough (and sometimes friends and family just don’t “get it”). I know there are many people with difficulties that are able to find their way on their own but it’s important to be able to recognize when you need more help. Doctors and therapists aren’t the enemies of God’s ways…they are there for God to work through. It happened very early in my life that my cup runneth over…in a bad way…and first I needed help just to physically survive then it was to help figure out the puzzle that fell apart in my mind. I am extremely fortunate and blessed that most of my psychiatric/psychological providers have been awesome and more and more these days they are able to discuss spiritual issues, which is definitely a piece of the puzzle. I have also been so blessed by the pastors God has put in my life to help me in this long, difficult journey.

    I guess the most important thing I want to say is that some people NEED to walk through those hospital doors. It doesn’t mean you’re a failure. It doesn’t mean God has abandoned you. It doesn’t mean you’re weak. People don’t see it this way because of the stigma attached to it, but it’s no different than going to the ER for a broken leg, or diabetic problems, or even for a top-of-the-line migraine. Please, please, please…don’t be afraid to ask for more help. Even if you’re not sure you need it, getting a “mental health check up” can give you some direction. The struggle we experience even with “minor” (if there is such a thing) mental health difficulties can be lessened if we get the level of care we really need.

  63. Leah, I think the things you wrote about are very common among Christian women, but no one really talks about the worries of life that you mentioned -finances, health, marriage, job or kids? Its too hard or embarrassing to bring up. Sometimes people don’t really want to hear about them either. It makes them feel uncomfortable. I wish we could talk about real life issues with other Christians. I’m so glad that God will always be there for us and listen! Psalm 34 that you mentioned is awesome!

  64. This really hit home with me too. Really struggling right now. Please pray for me, as I will surely pray for all of you as well.

  65. Leah, this spoke to my heart today. I have had severe panic disorder with on/off agoraphobia for 38 years, and at first I didn’t know what they were–they were my “dying spells”, often a dozen or more a day. Was hospitalized, and no one knew what was wrong; they found nothing physical. I finally diagnosed myself in medical school, while thumbing thru a pysch text in 1982. Have been on meds since 1992, which have caused me to gain a good deal of weight , among other things, but they are miraculous compared to the daily misery I was in. Now it is episodic, with only mild agoraphobia.

    They reared their ugly head today–I was on my way to have my cat euthanized after what appeared to be God’s peace about the decision last night. Totally freaked, and asked God Why? I thought this is what you wanted me to do?????!!!!!–I’ve prayed for weeks. Needless to say, I couldn’t do it.

    Am sitting here beating myself up whether my peace was my own or whether God sent the attack to prompt me to wait longer. My cat is not suffering yet, but is declining rapidly, likely due to a malignancy–just don’t know. I don’t trust myself to hear His voice. My husband and I have decided to wait to see if we can get more information from a specialist on Thursday.

    But weeks of fear and anorexia , on top of my baseline worry and inability to let go and let God, are taking a heavy toll right now.

    • Ann, thank you for sharing so openly about your struggles and health issues. I’m so sorry to hear about your family cat. Please don’t beat yourself up over what is a very difficult and painful decision. I’m praying for you today and hope that you make a commitment to yourself and God to take care of yourself. Your family needs a healthy you more than they need everything to be perfect. I hope the specialist on Thursday provides you with some helpful information. Blessings, Leah

  66. I feel like this was written just for me. I have been going through an extremely difficult period in my life…even with the help of doctors, therapists, and medication, I feel lost, alone, scared, confused, ashamed, and so, so worthless. As you so eloquently wrote, “How did I get here? I’m a Christian for heaven’s sake! Things like this just don’t happen to Christian women – or do they? I feel like such a failure.” I am overwhelmed. Failed marriage. Failed career. No income. Savings depleted. Chronic illness. Only living parent diagnosed with both cancer and dementia. I feel like I have nothing and no one to keep me here. I keep praying for God to help me – help me to trust that He will take care of me, to trust that He will provide, to trust that He has a plan and a purpose for me…but it feels like no one’s listening, because I see no end in sight. No matter how many times I try to “let go and let God,” the weight of it all just comes crashing back down on me. Please pray for me…I can barely find the voice to even whisper a prayer at this point.

    • Dear Laura may God bless and help you and shine His light brightly on you and lift you up out of this place of heaviness. Jesus please help Laura and be nearer to her than that air she breathes. God bless you Laura/ and make His face shine upon you and give you peace. Love you.

    • Gillie Ruth says:

      Hang on dear Laura! You are neither worthless nor a failure, just a woman going through a hard time. Let me tell you, these things happen to everyone at times, and being a Christian doesn’t change that. god promised to carry us through, not favourite us over non Chriistians. You can’t let go as yet, that doesn’t matter for now, just keep praying amd asking for help, it wil come. Stop blaming yourself for where you are, you need time to heal, find security, find supportive friends, to let God work His answers, things will get better, but seek out through God some Christian support. Such as us. I have been to the losing everything experience, the job loss, the unwell parent, along with a very difficult time with son’s with several hard conditions. It is a hard row, start by thanking God for anything you can see as God, the pray for the future, it will come, Satan loves to take a Child of the King and tell them they are worthless, don’t let him do that, Christ has felt the pain if our hearts, and he cares. He went to the Cross for you. These things do happen to Christian women, many ways and times, but I’m the end, you, a valuable daughter of the Kimg will be brought through, I know, He did it,bit by bit, for me, so why not you? I’m just a woman hanging on, but wrapped in the everlasting arms, because I asked. The solid rock Christ talks about will be yours in time. Be calm as you can, amd watch for answers big amd small, as they gradually surprise you,

  67. I really really needed this today. Praying for peace.

  68. Erin Rummery says:

    Wow, I needed to hear this……
    I have a tendency to break down often…I have Complex-PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) from being sexually abused for nearly 15 years and raped 5 times then divorcing and losing my children to the state. Thankfully my ex in laws took the kids and have allowed me to continue to be part of their lives. I am so blessed. I too am consumed with fear…..I have extremely hard time to trust people…..sad thing is I am punishing my own husband for what happened to me and thats SO NOT FAIR to him and to our marriage. He has NOT ONCE hurt me at all. He has been by my side and has loved me through it all. Thing is Im FAT…literally fat!!! and hes a hunk….really HOT LOOKING GUY….and he chose me!!?!?! yet I have hurt him so much the last few years and he still married me!?!!? Our relationship is rocky right now because of how I hurt him I have repeatedly apologized and right now am trying so hard to change my behavior….yet he still stands by my side and I have to work at earning his trust all over again….thats unconditional love alright…..my point is this….trust….God keeps telling me to trust him…..I have hard time to trust him because I felt he wasnt there to protect me when I was abused and all that……I have learned he went through the hurt with me and its NOT my fault….I am just fed up with the fear and trippy thoughts in my mind….what if he goes and falls in love with another lady thats much more prettier than I?? what if he has affair again? what if what if what if…oh those words are so powerful but I know God is much more powerful than that!!! I dream to be Godly wife for my husband!!! I want to be the Psalm 31 woman!!!! I have prayed and pleaded God to please change me so I can really be myself and serve God by being the Godly wife. I am so tired of being so emotional, tired of questioning myself and everything else around me. I noticed that I tend to sabotage when things go really really good. I think I sabotage things because its too good to be true for me…..I think. so any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks!! And Thanks for posting this devotional! I am starting to read the devotional more often because I noticed when I read devotional daily I actually become more at peace…..my only problem is I have hard time to trust God completely 🙁

    • Leah et al, wowowowowow! I have never see so many posts on any one subject! This year I was under so much stress. The brain can only take so much until it breaks. After our two sons revealed so many problems with their marriages (which I found out from therapist that I CANNOT fix) and my friend died from cancer. The stress was too much. My seratonin levels dropped. I have a great husband of 48 years. You would think that is all I need. Here is what helped me.
      Knowing The Lord is Sovereign……pray for our boys. Staying in God’s word.
      A sense of community with Christians.
      Listening to counselors on NewLife.com. I listen to their broadcast of NewLife Live each weekday hosted by Steve Arturburn.
      Reading Steve’s book , Healing is a Choice…..we NEED a community of people to heal. It is Biblical. We CANNOT heal alone. Go to AlAnon meetings, call 1800-NewLife to find a Christian counselor in your area. I did and they found a counselor from a huge network in America. I had an appt. THAT DAY! $100 an hour and worth every penny.
      Oh, and when I get low, I call a hurting friend to tell her I care.
      Blessings to each of you out there…..I read every hurting post. I laid my hand over my iPad and prayed for you all. I trust that these suggestions would help even just one person.
      Linda Sue. Jlseelhorst@yahoo.com

  69. What a blessing this post is to me. I, too, suffer from anxiety and ocasional panic. I’m trying to break free. I know the worries I have are not given by God, that it is part of Satan’s attack. God’s Word, His promises are what helps me. Praying God’s promises will encourage all of you too and guide you through this storm, this battle. It’s so scary at times, Lord, please protect us, guide us, make Your promises real to us . In Your only Son’s precious name, Amen.

  70. Thanks so much for the encouragement. yesterday I has such strong feelings of failure and ending it all. I just thought what will happen to my 9 year old daughter who has me as the only earth parent. I made a decision to go and study overseas. I returned to my counrty last year after completing the course and have been unemployed since. the rental for February is unpaid and I dont know how the financial commitments will be settled in the natural. I have searched, reached out to people to no avail. I attended interviews later last month and was so hopeful it will turn out positive and the end to my drought but the MD has came back and said he is not sure I am the right. It was so devastating. I drive an old car that breaks down all the time and need it to take my daughter to school and back. I sit down an recall the vivid dream i had after completing my studies whilst I was abroad. I was walking in a beautiful lush green grass area with such a breath of fresh air when out of the dark a huge dog jumped on me and clinged to me. It was so heavy that i couldnt carry it with my body but was bending backwards. I could not remove it on my own but just then I noticed a man on my left hand side. I signaled to him with my head to to help me. He removed it just by his finger and the dog disappeared. I could physically feel the load was lifted off from me. He smiled at me calming my fears and said to me great things are coming my way. I then woke up. It troubled me then but after this prolonged trial i have been enduring, i sense that God was telling me in advance the challenges ahead. Please pray with me. I am at the end of myself and have no words to pray out but just silent heart prayers to God.

    • Grace, I pray for you, lifting you up to the holy Father and Great Physician for healing. For a job that will allow you to provide for your daughter and live in the security of being able to pay your rent I sense the man in your dream was Jesus, lifting the black dog of depression and worry from your shoulders, and telling you that He is there to carry your burden and be walking beside you. He knows what you need, and I pray that He will provide.

      • Thank you so much Anna. I am feeling very down and was asking God to give me the strength to be there for my daughter. Thank you for interpreting the dream for me. God bless you

  71. Thank you for sharing…..I needed this today. God always know what we need and when we need it. His ways are perfect!

  72. So glad I ran across this devotional today. Definitely perfect timing for the way I’ve been feeling.

  73. This is me. I’m at my breaking point, but I’ve got an added twist in that I am caring for a newly diagnosed bipolar daughter that has been suicidal and is on the verge of an eating disorder. I can’t take care of my own needs, and surely can’t show my brokenness due to her fragile state. I need prayer and help so badly. The Lord gives me hope. I cling to His word and promises! I’m such a mess…

    • Michelle, I’m so sorry to hear about your daughter’s recent diagnosis. I am praying for both of you today.
      “For the Lord my God is with me, He is mighty to save, He will take great delight in me, He will quiet me with His love, He will rejoice over me with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17

    • I will pray for you Michelle. Though you have little time to yourself, try to read, Meet Me At The Well, by Virelle Kidder. I believe it will help you receive comfort from the Lord during this season in your life. It was water to my soul when I needed it most. Call me if you want/need to pray over the phone 801-910-9712.
      Blessings to you. ~

  74. Pastors Wife says:

    I am a Pastor’s wife and I feel I cannot take one more thing from a small group in our church. It is unbelievable how mean some Christians can be. I feel like I am at the end of my rope mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

    • Pastor’s Wife,
      I can attest to that feeling. I would like to encourage you to not be weary in well-doing for in due season you will reap if you do not faint (Gal. 6:9). Although it is uncomfortable and hurtful now, this season is a temporary period in time that you will eventually transition out of. You will make it through; God will help!

      Tamara

    • Dear Pastor’s Wife,
      I will pray for your situation, need for encouragement, and for you to shine God’s light. I must admit it saddens me to hear that this comes from Christian women. Perhaps I have never been that close to Christian women who have displayed inappropriate behavior, especially knowing the truth, so to hear this is somewhat surprising. Perhaps that is the side of me always trying to see the best in people, but hearing it (the Word) and living are two different things. I can relate to being around mean women living in an environment where I am the minority. It is not uncommon for me to experience being shunned (and these women are not even shy about it). I have no family here where I live, they are so many hours it’s more like two days drive away, so seeing them is not as easy as I would like. Though I live to shine Jesus in all I say and do, I often feel like I am in such a dark place and it can at times bring me down. I believe the Lord wanted me to read your reply, and perhaps you will read mine, so we can pray and encourage each other. Blessings to you ~

  75. Thank you for your transparency, Mrs. DiPascal. What a wonderful reminder that God sees us and hears us. He is actively engaged in our lives ands helps us handle the challenges of any situation that seems unbearable!

  76. Wow..at the right time this one cam…my husband left our 2 boys and me 2 months ago..sadly, it’s a story heard too often. He’s “lost it”, and has changed in all ways since he left. Hes deteriorated mentally, emotionally and physcially..but the blame is on..yes…me. Wow. We’re seeing a (by “We” I mean the boys and I) faith based therapist. He’s not covered by insurance..but I’ve got to do this for the boys and I. But the good news, is God does not. I grieve for the man who was,,because this fellow..is 180 degree difference. Protecting the boys…emotionally, mentally-and myself is what is needs to be done. I believe in the power of prayer…even when I don’t “feel it’ and that’s not always easy. We appreciate this devotion..and prayers are always welcome..

    • Dear Nikki, I’ve been in your shoes, keep doing the right thing. God will make a way where there doesn’t seem to be a way. He will direct your paths. God bless you & your family.

  77. No coincidence I read this devotion , I wake up to worries everyday, right now it’s finances, my aged unsaved Dad who lives far away, my son & his wife on drugs, and homeless, in severe snowstorm I might add, also my grandchildren. I have had times where I drive down to the park to be alone, cry out to God and try to leave my troubles. This devotion really helped me this morning. God bless you girls.

  78. I can’t believe all the posts! Thank you all for sharing and opening yourselves up! I too have been there, I’m also a Christian , but years of worry and stress nearly took my life. I’ve had so much worry and anxiety that it has interfered with day to day living. I struggled with thoughts like “im a failure” “my kids deserve better” I’ll never be the mom they need” . I even thought I should be commited to a mental ward and put on some heavy meds then at least it would numb me so I don’t have to live or mayby just dying would be better! I know these are not Gods thoughts I’m just saying I struggled with these, worry and stress has taken a physical toll on my body as well. I do meditate on the word of god but fear and stress and anxiety are an every day occurance I just want freedom! I cried out to Jesus this morning and asked him to just take me to heaven! I feel like I’m giving up, I just feel so fatigued ! Please pray and I’m praying for you also:)

    • Jessica, thank you for being so honest about your struggles and sharing how desperate you feel right now. I understand and had many of those same thoughts/feelings too. I want to encourage you to get help from someone that’s close to you. Maybe a friend, your pastor, a family member, maybe even professional help. Someone that can support you while you’re in such a fragile state. I’m praying that God will show you who that person is and that you take steps to begin taking care of yourself. The greatest gift you could give your children is a healthy mommy. If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for them because they love you. Blessings, Leah

  79. I needed to read this today. It feels like God speaking to me, telling me to hold fast to Him. I’ve come to the edge of all I know and all I’ve built in my marriage and my life, only to be told it isn’t good enough. My heart feels broken, my marriage is in trouble and I am fighting the bitterness that rises in situations like this. I need prayer and Jesus to step in and heal my family, my marriage. From the outside you would never know, I am the one who holds it all together. So what happens if I am falling apart? I’ve reached the edge of all I know. I have faith that God will see us through but it is still a hard place to be. We need prayer.

  80. Leah, thank you so much for being vulnerable and opening your heart for us. I’m a day late in reading this, but when I began taking in your words I felt as though God prompted you to write this directly to me! I see now, from scrolling through the comments, that many other women felt the same way. I am struggling with anxiety and am currently seeing a Biblical counselor at my church. Reading about your experience was so encouraging! I’m praising God for showing me that I’m not alone in this struggle. I’m thanking him for letting me see a success story of one who has faced it, overcome it with his Truth, and is now ministering to others. Again, thank you so much and may God continue to bless you as well as the many other women facing overwhelming anxiety. He is trustworthy! He is victorious! He is our deliverer! (I also treasure the verses from Psalm 34 with which you opened your devotional).

  81. Thank you for this devotion. I needed it so much. I have been struggling with on going health issues and my worry has been taking over. all of you r in my prayers. God is our healer.

  82. Sometimes the best thing to do is to seek help from those around you, professionals included, and to trust in God’s wisdom and divine plan. I have been so low that I saw no way out but am now seeing some of God’s plans play out. Still can be quite unsure at times but remain hopeful.

  83. I believe God intended for me to read this today since I do not believe in luck or coincidences. I have suffered off and on from anxiety and panic attacks for the last twenty years. I’ve hidden it well from others but no longer wish to do that. It has hindered my lifestyle and effected my self-esteem. I am a single parent with a stressful job, a teenager who has ADHD, and two elderly parents whom I brought to live with me after my father had several strokes which advanced his alzhiemers. My mom has also been diagnosed with moderate dementia. My identity was stolen, my son started acting out and I do not have support since I am an only child and my parents are the only remaining siblings on both sides. I also discovered that the person I was involved with was only with me to try to get married so he could obtain legal status so I ended that relationship. I have also had health problems due to stress and recently began having panic attacks. I called 911 at 4:00AM on January 9 because I thought I was having a stroke or heart attack. Yesterday when I left work, traffic was backed up because of an accident and I felt trapped, began to feel dizzy, heart racing, shortness of breath and felt like I was going to pass out, mouth was dry etc.. I too felt like going to the hospital which was just three blocks away but I felt so shaken that I just wanted to get off the main road and did. Thoughts of going to the emergency scared me because I too am afraid of what they will do or think. I have three people who are dependent on me and no human support. If it weren’t for my faith in God I know I would not have survived all that I have experienced in the last eight years. I listen to christian music in my car and that helps me but now the radio does not work among other things that keep breaking in my home. I know the devil is a liar and that God is bigger than my problems. I am asking for prayers for myself and my family and for strength to continue. I believe in the power of prayer and I am also believing that God will heal me from these horrible panic attacks. Thank you and God bless.

    • Ileana, I lift you up in prayer–yes, those are panic attacks (38 years for me) and they can be helped with medication–and prayer. The medication is not expensive, something like Zoloft is now generic. I urge you to see a physician or mental health professional who can steer you to the right medication FOR YOU, as there are several options. I pray God helps you with the other burdens of aging parents and a child who needs you. I see you have much faith and I ask God that you can cling to it and draw close to the true Rock that is our Lord.

    • Ileana,
      Thank you for opening your heart and sharing. The devotional seemed to not only relate to many experiences, but has brought women together to pray for each other. Several times in my life I have felt I wanted to give up, and at one of those times God spoke to me through a book I took comfort in reading, Virelle Kidder, Meet Me By The Well. If you are able to pick up a copy, my prayer is you too will find rest in the scriptures quoted. I will keep you in prayer.

    • Ileana, my heart goes out to you. I pray God our Father will ease your burden. He has peace, hope, and miracles for you. God bless you dear one.

  84. WOW… just what I needed to read this morning. I am claiming this promise for myself today and in the days ahead. My husband & I just had a huge moment of intense fellowship about our finances and he was saying some pretty unrealistic things. I ended up going to our bedroom and falling on my face before God, crying out for forgiveness and mercy. I felt like a total failure as a wife and even when saying I was sorry, my husband didn’t say he forgave me. Now this morning I woke up, still crying inside and was looking for a word or promise, when I read this devotional!!! THANK YOU and may God bless your ministry!!

  85. The struggles on this side of eternity can certainly be unbearable, until we turn to God. May God help you and guide you to the help you need. I love the verse of devotion and the power verse at the end – God is so faithful and will bring us through our struggles. It is so amazing to know He sings over us through our trusting Him and giving our devotion to Him. I also love His promise to heal us and bring us joy following devastation in our life, Isaiah 61:1-4. God bless you and this ministry. I discovered the website listening to K LOVE, a great source for encouragement!

  86. We all have a story. Thank you for sharing your story. I was there too. And just like you I wondered “how did I get here?”
    It wasn’t over night but over years God rescued me and through it I am stronger and closer to God.

  87. Thank you so much for following the Lord’s heart, Leah, in this devotion. I so much have been in this place of despair a few times, and l know that there will be more. It is during those times that l seek the Lord with every fiber of my being. I find that l am learning to run to the Lord quicker instead of trying to figure it out on my own first. He is so faithful!

  88. Can I just say that I have been trying to read this for a few days now. I got as far as the first paragraph and it was all me. I had gone to the doctor, prayed, sleepless nights clutching my Bible, etc. ALL of that and then some. Just this past Thursday, ugh. At my therapy session, I let it all go……. I feel as though at times, most of the time, I am not allowed the same luxury of “feeling” my emotions, so I stuff. I am reading Unglued, right now and it is speaking my langugae. I just want to hide sometimes, but I know God has me. I just feel like everyione else’s lives and mess spills over into mine. And I really don’t want that. So, I have had the fears and anxiety, the dreams, the thoughts of ending up in a Psych ward….. But God has always been faithful and brought me through. I have heard a lot of questions, like “do you have any secret sin?” I really dislike that one or “Why don’t you just not be afraid?” I have talked about this on my blog and FB, at times it’s not so easy. It’s not like I like having anxiety/panic/depression. That is a hard thing as a Christian woman, we are not supposed to deal with those types of things. Why? I also have low thyroid, so that doesn’t help, but I have GOD and He is my healer! Even when I can’t see Him or feel Him. So, I encourage myself in the Lord, by talking it through with a wonderful counselor, who I go to the same church with, With my amazing husband and best friend, as well as a pastor who understands because he has been there. I am so blessed, I am NOT alone, and neither are you. <3
    His Princess~ Charmaine

  89. I also wanted to say thank you for being so transparent and for sharing this with us. I love knowing I’m not alone and that this season too shall pass. It already has gotten so much better, God is good.

  90. I had to reread this devotion again today. Yesterday some problems in my marriage cropped up again. I had thought we were past this but not so. My marriage has been a real struggle for 5 years. I am praying for God to show me his thoughts/guidance, thanks for being out there, dear Christian sister’s, it does help.

  91. I need prayer! I was clearing out old emails when I came across your P31M devotion “The Day I Almost Gave Up”. I too can identify with helplessness/hopelessness. I am so sick and tired. In 2007 my daughter’s fiance broke off the engagement after they had dated for 4 1/2 years. She/we were devastated. She has since moved, gotten a good job, bought a home, active in her church, but she “appears” to not be interested in guys, and has gained weight. Perhaps God intends for her to be single and if that is His will I will accept that. In early 2008 my husband was put on unpaid suspension at his job for “creating a threatening environment” in the workplace. We have been married for 30+ years and he has had anger issues and poor job evaluations, and at time acts like a fool. I now also realize he is by definition “narcistic”. Our marriage has been difficult at best, with both of us having been unfaithful. We are not longer intimate, we live under the same roof. Later in 2008, our youngest son, while working construction, fell off a roof and was found unconuscious. His coworkers called 911 and he was taken by ambulance to the ER. He had no memory of who he was nor did he recognize anyone. He spent the night in the Trauma ICU with Traumatic Brain Injury. When he was released, he did not recognize our home or anything in our house, his friends, extended family, church families, or college when he returned. For weeks he suffered awful headaches and dizziness. He finally gave up on his education. He now has regained some memory but does not remember his childhood. He is now 25 y.o. and struggles with holding a job, relationships, money, etc. In 2009 I began to have chronic pain and after tests it was discovered that I have degenerative disc disease. In 2010, our other son dated a young lady from our church during his senior year in college and they were getting serious when she broke it off. None of us could understand what happened. After 6 months or so they got back together and they began to talk about marriage after a year of dating, he was saving for the ring when once again she broke it off. He also was devastated. He is now 26 y.o. and is very “cautious” about even pursuing a young lady. During 2011, my husband lost his job, and had a heart attack, as I continue to have difficulty finding the “right” medication for my chronic pain, including epidural steriod injections. My husband secured a temporary contract job 6 hours away in mid-2012. After his departure, the tension in our home left and the boys and I found peace. He returned back home in mid 2013 and remains unemployed and since January 2014 without any unemployment benefits. Over the last couple of years I have also “lost” many friends: some have moved (a Godly co-worker whom I shared many joys and sorrows with), others have left our church, and they have ceased to be “contacts’. For 10+ years I had a Bible study that leadership came to me and said, “We have decided to combine your class with another.” I also This past summer I did consider suicide, but “after crying out to God and much prayer” I was “lifted up”. I had changed jobs in Nov. 2012 due to stress, and after 1 yr. was “let go” in Nov. 2013, and am currently unemployed as well. Our church family went through a very difficult circumstance in Aug. 2013, with the Senior Pastor firing the Music Minister. This dear family are friends of ours, and this has been a deeply personal heartache. I have spent the last 18+ months either in pain or on pain medications that make me feel groggy, or “spacey”. After an updated MRI last week and consultation with my pain management physician and a surgeon, I have decided to have an “Anterior Cervical Disctomy & Fusion” on several of my cerival discs/vertebraes on March 27th. My prayer is that this surgery will be successful and I will be relieved of the pain and weakness I have suffered so that I can function, get a job as we are under great financial burden. Pray for employment for my husband. Pray also for guidance and direction as to what the Lord would have all of my family do so that we may ALL be in His perfect will. Please pray that God will help me trust HIM. I am all out of resources. Leah, thank you for sharing your story and the reminder of precious verses of scripture like Psalms 34:15-18 and Zeph. 3:17. I will write them on cards and place them around me so that I will “see” them, “pray” these promises.

  92. This is me …. I typed in a search of being in a pit and giving up while sitting in this pool of tears. This post came up. Thank you for being honest enough to share. Also thank you for the scriptures. My heart is crying out to God for the healing you have pointed out that only He can provide.

  93. Hey Leah 🙂 I saw the extra info at the bottom where it says you talk about when to find professional help, but I cant find it. Can you send me the link please? Thank you!

  94. As I sneak in my bedroom and cry my silent tears. I usually go in the bathroom and lock the door and cry and pray. My daughter tells me why am I so angry all the time and never happy. My moods change dramatically. Fibances is a big burden hanging and glooming over my head causing moodyness and depression. My husband and I owe the IRS over 500 thousand from a previous business that we closed in 2008. We drained all our savings bank accounts to provide for our employees. We had a decision and it was to pay employees rather than us or IRS. We have yet been able to establish anything in our name. Not many people know what I go through to survive . I have cried for the past eight years weekly holding my head up. I feel everything you just said and my throat and eyes are filledvwith a lump and tears. I lift up my world to you oh God and I have faith that you will continue to provide for my family and fill my heart with joy and happiness. I want to be free from these burdens and live a happy joyful life filled with laughter. I have not seen me full of joy in a long time. I pray that my daughter will be able to go to college this August 20 2015.That a miracle of financial aid and scholarship will be funded. I feel horrible and hopeless that I can’t give my kids the education I never had. Oh lord hear my prayer and thank you for my family they are precious gifts.

  95. Very nice thoughts. Certainly they must apply to someone. But God isn’t always there, as much as we might like to think so. Sometimes there is no husband to call, no friends to help us heal. Sometimes our innocent children die, no matter how hard we try to save them. Sometimes God stays silent when we scream for help, for strength, for deliverance. He does not deliver us from all our troubles, as much as we want to believe the “promise.” Sometimes when our hearts and spirits fail, when the grief is so overwhelming every bone aches . . . sometimes he just isn’t there. Or if he is, he stands aside and lets us suffer. How wonderful that your travails began to turn around with a phone call. I am glad for you. I also hope for your sake that that is the worst that ever befalls you, because if something more serious were to come along, and your God didn’t reach through the cell tower to start to put things right, you wouldn’t have such pat answers to offer in an insipid post like this one.

    We like to think that because Scripture says something, well, then God can’t do anything other than what it says. Not true. We like to convince ourselves that it can’t ever get “really, really bad,” because God will surely prevent that from happening. After all, he works everything together for our good! The small print in that promise is that sometimes “good” doesn’t come directly to us, or not in this lifetime. Sometimes, like John the Baptist, we die for no apparent meaning, while we’re right in the middle of doing what we thought was God’s will.

    I’m sure you meant well when you wrote this post, and I’m sure it is sincere. But honestly, it’s shallow.

  96. Leonardo Hernandez albino says:

    I have read some of your powerful stuff if I can ask you and everyone can pray for my marriage it is comeing to end the devil has put lots of time into destroying my marriage I love my wife any would like to grow old with her please I am begging you I need all the prayer I can receive from brother and sisters around the world I need your help please.
    God bless thank you and I will keep reading,and pray for you all..

  97. I am 24 years old and I have fought to know God for the past 5 years. During that time one of the biggest struggles for me was to give up control of my life. I have been “stuck in my head” since I was a little girl and have been afraid to let my heart out (so I controlled the world around me with my mind). In the last few months its like my mind has broken down to the point that I feel like I am loosing control of myself, but instead of going to Jesus I am believing lies instead, like “I can’t function normally”, “I don’t know who I am”,…honestly, I just want to sleep most of the time. I don’t know why I am thinking this way because I know these things are not true, but I believe them all today long. Not sure if that makes any sense…has any one else experience something like that?

  98. I am crying out to the Lord….I am hurting right now…Please God help me !!

  99. Oh my, just read this on time as i was having depressive thoughts, so uplifting, thank you for sharing.

  100. Elrica Sakoor says:

    Greetings, thank you, uplifting indeed… This is screaming at me too… I was just looking up to th Heavens, while sitting at a desk in my rented home, wondering whether anyone remember me, hear me or feel this pain, that is so deep… finances. Unemployment, good, clothes, bills…

    And I Google and clicked on this link, I quickly realised I’m not alone! Thank you Abba Father…

    It changed my perspective immediately about my needs… knowing that God’s grace is sufficient!!!

    Bless you!!!

  101. I can’t do this anymore. Ill health, financial issues. Been saved out of occult for 10 years. Left everything for Christ and lost everything. But still we have suffered financial ruin and business failure and now can’t afford to even buy enough to feed kids. Massive debt. I have rebuked, repented, been delivered ad nauseum. People still treat me with suspicion and exclude me. Husband’s business has failed. Like all his businesses. He is 49 and looks 70. Can’t do this any more. Have called on the Lord repeatedly, all the time. Our basic needs are not being met. What is the meaning of all this?

  102. Marriage is trouble. Husband so angry and lashing out. I remarried him and feel so stupid for doing so but I pray for him, it’s spiritual warfare. He seems to have Satan in control. He’s angry and mad and immature and hateful. I am disabled and he’s emotionally and financially abusive. Please God hear my desperate prayers.

  103. Wow, I see so many who have similar issues.My issues rejection, not good enough my perception.Ive been searching for answers. RobertGSmith faster eft, John Assaraf both fb. Yet I’ve done the tapping,John explains it differently then Robert.Also ” who does this belong to, return to sender with consciousness,I think this is helping alit. Plus writing them down to release to burn.Im pushing myself to feel better.

  104. Lerato says:

    This article is of 2014 if I see correctly, but what I just read melts my my heart. I am a born again christian and trust God in everything, but this time around I feel like the world is on my shoulders,I have chest pains when i think about this situation, I sometimes cannot even breathe because of the financial problems I am in. I need God’s intervention. Oh God I need financial breakthrough.

    • Lerato says:

      I feel so crushed deep within, I feel like giving u n God but when I remember what He has done for me in the past, I am humbled and He does keep me strong. Lately i silently say His mercies endureth forever. It is so hard God. Come to my rescue

  105. Christa says:

    I am glad you had a friend, or friends to turn to. I feel abandoned and alone. I have prayed to God over and over and over again to fill my loneliness, I HAVE got out of myself to reach out to others, I HAVE given of myself to others….I get nothing in return. I feel hated, rejected, ignored and meaningless. I feel God has abandoned me in this regard. He has answered many, many of my prayers in my life, I have been a faithful servant but I cannot get out of the loneliness and abandonment. Please Pray.

    • Christa. First of all ..I am praying for you. I too am feeling this way. And many more problems I am dealing with. God is so amazing. This post and all the responses on here are exactly what I am going through right now! My anxiety ,depression,anger ,and feeling distant from God had finally reached a head. Few days ago.. (just like in this post) I broke down in my car right outside my house. I didn’t want to go inside because not only am I coming home from a miserable 10 hr shift at a super stressful job…but then I come home to utter chaos..my 2yr old daughter is so hard to deal with ..my 12yr old son is the same way..and my mother who lives with me to help me with my children seems to make everything worse. Our financial situation is just about as bad as it gets as I am facing eviction .my job I have had for 13 yrs now I feel I am about to lose .there is MUCH more going on in my life right now that lead me to feel so defeated..just too much to write. But I finally gave it to god. All of it. I broke down in my car and cried. I wanted to kill myself. But to be perfectly honest…the only reason I didnt was because 1. I didn’t know if I would actually go to heaven if I did so. ( Showed me my faith was seriously lacking) and 2. I didn’t want my mother whose health is poor to be stuck raising my kids in a horrible struggle. I can’t express to you how horrible my anxiety and worry has been the past few years. For once …in my whole life.. now at the most difficult time of my life..Jesus let me experience his peace. I felt peace in telling him. I surrender. I will not worry..I will cast my problems on you and trust in your plan for me..I am so amazingly relieved. He wants you to keep praying. He wants to hear from you. Psalm 142:4. Hebrews 13:5. It’s not by chance I stumbled upon this post. I feel god wanted me to hear your prayer request. Remember. God is with us.he will never leave us or forsake us.forget about us.or turn his back on us.we may suffer through a refining fire or receiving his discipline. But he won’t abandon us. Again. I am praying for you. Please pray that my family and I will have what we NEED financially to make it to where Jesus wants me to be. And please pray that my faith in him grows stronger. Thank you..god bless you.

  106. Rhonda carpenter says:

    I an in desperate need of prayer, i am battling severe panic attacks, worry , depression, barely survivibg , i have thiught of giving up i am barely taking care of myself, i have lost 10 lbs i cant eat, ive lost interest in eating and they got me on meds for sleeping and depression, my memory is off , im losing things in barely doing ny job, please pray for me i need gods help

  107. Saw this blog. Here goes. Have been praying since 94 for help in a particular area of finance. I moved to NC last year had a great job and now it’s gone. I lost my job this January and am now 4 months behind in rent and every bill is due including my car payment. If I lose my vehicle it’s over. I have relinquished my savings. I’m a single woman. I have prayed earnestly for help from Yeshua . Fasting as well. I assist my neighbors when possible and others in my day to day. I believed that my faith was unmmovable. I’m starting to feel like no one cares in these last days. Has G-D shut up his mercies? I am a diligent reader of biblical scripture morning and evening. I desire to open a small business. I’m just lost. I can’t write anymore, my head is aching. Thank you for listening and sharing. Baruch Hashem Shalom Aleichem Chair email. Bless you all !

    • Terence Ho says:

      Hi Mary, I am seeking God everyday now because I somehow contracted panic attacks and anxiety or that is what it seems because the doctors can’t diagnose me (been to E.r. x3) Everytime I pray to him i find comfort. Keep praying that is what is keeping me going. Give your burdens and worries to the lord. Let me know if you need help with finances. I do some money to assist. God has given me a decent job that pays the bills for the time being but in order to keep my job I really need to seek the Lord out to keep Satan’s treacherous panic attacks away from me. So please pray for me to keep my job and the healing of my health so I can keep helping those in need. Reply to me if assistance is needed.

  108. Please pray for me to have assurance of salvation. I want to get saved if iam not but scared myheart might be too hardened. And pray for financial provision nothing fancy just the basics. I am in a lot ofturmoil morefor the assurance reason

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