“In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:16 (NIV)

It was my birthday, and I was feeling let down by some of my friends. I was frustrated because on their birthdays, I tried to celebrate them well. But many of my friends bailed on my birthday dinner, and the few who came didn’t seem to want to be there. As I ate my queso, I felt insecure … not worth loving.

Sometimes friendships leave us feeling lonely. And we don’t need “I’m sorry I can’t come” texts to feel this way. We often feel lonely when we open social media and see our friends hanging out without us — or when we always seem to be the ones calling and never get the ring in return.

In many of my friendships, I was assuming the worst, holding records of wrongs, and letting insecurity rule my perspective. Some of those friends were going through hard seasons and needed my grace, not my assumptions. And other friendships were ones where I needed to love but also set healthy boundaries for trust.

Friendship can be tricky. It’s important to remember our calling in Christ and these four truths when we feel like our friends have let us down:

1. Give unreasonable grace to everyone. It’s not pathetic to be kind. Let’s be friends who are willing to celebrate and love others without calculating what they owe us in return — because that’s how Christ loves us (1 John 4:10-11). Don’t feel pathetic for caring; instead, celebrate Christ’s love in you.
2. Healthy friendships are built on love, not a scoreboard. Scripture says love “keeps no record of wrongs” (1 Corinthians 13:5, NIV). If Christ has wiped our slate clean, how can we act any differently toward our friends? Unforgiveness not only destroys friendships, but it also destroys our hearts.
3. Trust comes from wisdom and discernment. If you pray about your friendships daily, God will reveal who you can trust (James 1:5). Yes, be compassionate to everyone because of the cross, but trust only those the Holy Spirit confirms you can trust. You’re not mean for setting boundaries or walking away from people who you discern are not good for you.
4. Let your light shine. Your good deeds and kindness show God’s light. When your friends see this, they’ll experience God’s love and praise Him. “In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven” (Matthew 5:16).

I know how hard loneliness is. But I pray you and I can become friends who pick up others in hard seasons (Ecclesiastes 4:10), who are content with being kind, and who remember that we’re daughters of God, letting His light shine. May we be friends who love radically and trust wisely.

Dear God, help me give extravagant grace to my friends. Let my light shine so others may see Your kindness in me. On my lonely days, remind me that You are leading me to good community that I can love and trust. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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FOR DEEPER STUDY

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken” (NIV).

How have you picked up a friend who has fallen? How has a friend picked you up during a hard season?

What does it mean to give unreasonable grace in friendship? Share with us in the comments!

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