“But Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it.” Mark 5:32 (NIV)

Legs tucked up to my chest and hands wrapped around my knees, I willed myself to inhale. One. Two. Three. And then a long, shaky exhale.

Sitting on the gray-tiled floor, I stared numbly at the sliver of light through the crack under the bathroom door. I was 18 and didn’t yet have words for the air-sucking waves of anxiety that seemed to be swallowing me from the inside.

That day, I felt alone in my struggle. But perhaps even more painful was how I pictured God looking down at me with disappointment.

I imagine you’ve probably had your own version of a bathroom-floor moment. Especially if your story holds anxiety or depression … can I lean in and gently tell you something? You are not the only one.

I know what it’s like to wake up to a daily inner battle that can be overwhelmingly unnoticed by others. A certain strength is required to endure the pain that lingers, particularly when it’s unseen.

Mark 5 tells the story of a woman who knew a similar kind of pain.

This woman lived with an affliction that brought her 12 years of sorrow. Although her pain is described as physical, I often wonder if the emotional isolation she experienced was even more agonizing. According to the Law, she was ceremonially unclean, which would have greatly restricted both her religious and her social life (Leviticus 15:19; Mark 5:25).

Mental health struggles can fuel a similar loneliness and sense of spiritual inadequacy, especially if we’ve been told these lasting struggles are somehow a reflection of our unfaithfulness or distrust in God. When pain of any kind makes us feel less like ourselves and less capable of engaging in relationships, we experience it as suffering.

Prolonged pain can also become shame, a hidden hurt that says God might not love us after all.

The woman in Mark 5 came to Jesus in a jostling crowd, likely trying not to be seen or found. How I resonate with her approach. Hearing that merely touching His cloak would heal her, she brushed her fingers against the hem of Jesus’ garment before trying to escape back into anonymity.

I’m always amazed at what the Gospel writer says Jesus did next. Sensing her touch, “Jesus kept looking around to see who had done it” (Mark 5:32).

In Greek, the root word of the phrase translated as “looking around” implies purpose and resolve. What I love most about this story is Jesus’ relentless pursuit of this hurting woman. He wouldn’t let her not be found.

The same is true for us. I want you to know that God is not disappointed with you for having anxiety or depression. Throughout the New Testament, Jesus didn’t stand at a distance from the afflicted but consistently moved toward them with comfort and care. No part of you is too broken, lifeless or lost for our Good Shepherd to seek out, and He extends His goodness and love.

Today, how might He be inviting you to allow yourself to be found?

Dear God, help me to receive Your tender love today. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

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May is Mental Health Awareness Month! Taylor Joy Murray’s book, Stop Saying I’m Fine: Finding Stillness When Anxiety Screams, blends therapeutic insight with spiritual truth to help you dig beneath the surface of your anxiety. If you want to better understand where your anxiety comes from and why, or if you long to learn a different, more compassionate approach to engaging with your anxiety, this book is for you.

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Download Taylor’s free resource for you, “A Reflection Guide on Mark 5,” which she created to help you experience God’s presence in emotional pain.

FOR DEEPER STUDY

Romans 8:38-39, “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord” (NIV).

In what areas of your life have you experienced prolonged pain? How have you envisioned God’s posture or heart toward you in this area?

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